The Story of Mishy

Can you hear me?

2012-03-07T16:47:00.000-06:00

Today I woke up and got ready for work, just like any other day. However, something made me stop and go to the other jewelry box when picking out my accessories for the day. I opened his jewelry box - the one Mike gave me on our anniversary. The one where he hung a silver cross necklace I had been eying for some time and where he tucked a tanzanite and diamond ring into the drawer. I opened each and every drawer, I touched and picked up each pair of earrings, each ring, each necklace... and I felt nothing.

I didn't get the usual feeling of comfort, of joy, or of good memories flooding my brain. It was what I was looking for, but I didn't get it. At that moment my heart just made a thud in my chest and my brain shut itself down, shielding me from the painful emotions. The ones where I realize - time is passing and I'm starting to forget the little things. What does his voice sound like? I remember loving his laugh but I can't hear it anymore. I remember how he liked to hold my hand but I can't feel it anymore. I remember how he styled his hair but I can't touch it. I can't prove my memories and they are not as fresh.

This new feeling of loss is different than when he passed away almost 4 years ago. It comes with fear and doubt. Will I one day forget everything? Did it all really happen? Is all this progress toward moving forward going to just cease?

As I closed up the jewelry box and put on the necklace he bought me for Valentine's day one year, I couldn't help but say to myself, "he loved me, right?" I couldn't believe I even questioned it, but there it was, hanging in the air. I know the answer, but I guess I was just hoping to hear him say yes, just one more time.

RIP Michael R. Eckhoff 5.21.08

Make way for 2012!

2011-12-31T15:14:00.002-06:00

Looking Back on 2011

My Godson was baptized!
I was offered a full-time position at my job.
My cousins Travis & Phyllis started the next generation with baby Hannah!
I bought a house.
I got engaged to a wonderful man <3
I repaired an old relationship <3
I strengthened new relationships :D

Looking Forward to 2012

My bridal shower!
I'm getting married!
Our friends Frank & Katrina are getting married!
Our friends Jon & Melissa are getting married!
We might start trying for a baby after the wedding :) Will we make the cut off for a dragon baby? (cue suspense)

Goals
My goals are always the same, to strive to be the best person I can be regardless of how others treat me - to be true to myself and not change who I am based on the actions of others. To continue to be that person who loves to take care of others whether it be humans or my pets and yet still remember to take time for myself and do the things that I enjoy. This is the person who I was, the person I lost for a few years and the person I'm slowly getting back to being. God's blessings, love and peace to everyone today, tomorrow, next year and always.

Love,

Michelle

Less Boxes, More Furniture & a May Wedding

2011-09-30T22:29:00.000-05:00

Well, we are certainly making progress with the move-in process. Thanks to my dear friend Sammy we've organized and unpacked many boxes but we still have plenty more to take care of. However, we take it slow and only open boxes when we feel like it. Some days we open boxes on days we don't plan on it and sometimes we don't open anything for almost a week. Thankfully the boxes can now fit in two rooms - the dining room and the guest room. The living room is almost empty and put away and most of the other rooms just have a few things here and there. It's starting to look really good. So... less boxes, now, onto more furniture.

My living room sectional finally came in. It's gorgeous and super comfortable and leather. It's amazing, has three reclining seats and a pull out bed. I'm in love with it. Worth every cent. I'm pretty sure our guests will love it too. It's nice to have seating again that hasn't been totally overtaken by our pets. In addition, Kristopher and I also got out desks in for our office. It's awesome. Once everything gets put away properly it should serve to be a very functional space for the both of us. He plans to use his mostly for his work and gaming and I use mine for my computing and crafts. I haven't added any other furniture, we had enough from the last house.

A May wedding! Last weekend, Kristopher and I went to Houston, TX with my mom to get some of the major wedding details hammered out. We've picked a venue, a church, solidified dates and put down deposits. This is really happening! Since then I've been scoping out live bands, sending out "Will you be My..." invites to our bridal party and even trying on some wedding dresses. I can't wait until May 12, 2012. I just hope my stress level can stay at a normal level until then. I know, highly unlikely, but a girl can dream, can't she?

Next thing coming up? Thanksgiving! My mom, sister and possibly aunt and grandparents are going to come down. That's my deadline for getting the house in order. Hopefully Kristopher gets to work on our entertainment center so there aren't any wires hanging out everywhere when they see the house for the first time.

We've Moved!

2011-08-30T21:35:00.001-05:00

So we've finally moved this past Saturday and Sunday and I'm exhausted! The house has turned from a nice, calm area into a cluttered mess of boxes, furniture and items scattered all about. I've thankfully been able to open quite a few boxes and get them out of the way thanks to the help of the best helper ever - Sammy and also to my friend Kayla last night who was lifting boxes like super woman. You guys rock. Luckily for me, they have not been scared off and will be back probably on Wednesday for some more box-opening madness. Today is my night off. As much as I don't want to take a night off, I know I need one so I don't get burned out; especially since I didn't plan to take any time off of work for this.

Speaking of work, I just have to say, as hectic as my job gets; I really love it. I don't think I've ever had a better boss than the one I work for now and I hope to be with this company for a long time. Thankfully I don't have to choose between my job and life and that is such a relief. Knowing your boss is understanding of life's situations really helps with the stress level. It's also nice to have a boss that recognizes the work that you do and is sincerely appreciative of it. I always knew working for a small company would be the best kind to work for!

Wedding planning is also moving along. It's a little slower than I'd like but at least it's going. The new target wedding date is May 12, 2012. I know, it's Mother's Day weekend but it seems the venue and church is going to line up for that date. Mom, Kristopher and I are going to Houston near the end of September to check everything out and book the event so I'll definitely know by then.

Now if I could only find an extra iPhone sync cable in this mess...

The Beginning of Wedding Planning

2011-08-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I have been engaged for not even a week yet and have immersed myself in wedding planning in addition to getting our house all put back together in one piece. Talk about stressful!

Here are the details we have hashed out so far:

Date: May 5, 2012 (may change due to venue/church availability)
Location: Houston, TX in either the Downtown or Uptown/Galleria area
Ceremony: At a nearby LCMS Lutheran church (depends on availability and venue selected)
Time: probably an afternoon ceremony and evening reception
Color Palette: Dark purple or plum, gray, black, white, silver accents
Bridesmaid Dresses: not floor length! (too hot for that craziness)
Groomsmen Tuxes: we may dare to have them in gray tuxes but have not decided yet
Music: Live band

So far, just from online research (thanks to my mom and my sister), the Downtown Aquarium, Magnolia Hotel and JW Marriott all look promising. I'm hoping one of those works out, so far they are my top 3 picks. Mom and I (and hopefully Kristopher is available as well) will be scoping out these places in September. I'm nervous and really excited at the same time. I have no idea what my reaction will be when I actually step into that reception location for the first time and realize that I am planning another wedding... and what happened to the first one. I've been excited while mixed with a bunch of emotions over the little planning I've done so far.

My sister has jumped right into helping out. Last weekend she went and tried on bridesmaid dresses already. She went to 3 stores! She was texting me pictures and I was still sleeping. What an amazing, helpful and great person to have helping you out! We found a few winners and definitely some losers (an Asian should never try on yellow; you just don't put yellow on yellow)! So we gathered a list of designers and style #s and my best friend in NY, Kelly is going to go out on the bridesmaid dress search next. She has the list two locations that I know carry the lines of dresses we are looking at.

So now that I've got CT & NY covered, I suppose I will need to do some dress hunting in Lafayette as well. I've ordered special invitations for our bridal party that I hope will be a huge hit. It's quite a big party but we know not everyone might be able to commit due to finances and less than 8 months notice. It's okay, as long as they know that we were considering them for our special day.

Due to the short(er) engagement period, we're also going to forego the engagement party. We see it really as a chance for both sides of the family to do a meet and greet but everyone is so spread out, I'm afraid Kristopher would just be meeting my family all over again by himself! Ha!

I've got plenty of details in my head and spreadsheets and bookmarks are being utilized to the fullest already. This will be an interesting next 8 months for sure!

Bless the Broken Road

2011-08-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

Bless the Broken Road
Songwriters: Boyd, Bobby C; Hannah, Jeff; Hummon, Marcus;

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

An Engagement Story

2011-08-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

So it would seem that everyone else has blogged about it, so I suppose I should update my blog too. So here is the short version of my story with Kristopher.

Kristopher and I met through an online video game that Mike had gotten me obsessed with called City of Heros. I'm pretty sure, at first that we actually disliked each other very much and I'm not sure when that changed exactly. Anyway, there was a set group of people that we would play with and considered "friends." One day I, knowing Kristopher was an IT professional, called him to ask how to install a video card into Mike's computer. Well he sent me a link of basic instructions, which I followed, and got everything working. He was QUITE impressed! (Apparently he thought I'd look at them and decide not to do it myself.) Anyway, we were just friends at that point and remained as such for a few years. When Mike and I got engaged 12.28.07, he was very happy for us, I even told him he'd get an invite to the wedding!

Then, on 5.21.08, life changed drastically. As most of you already know, Mike passed away from a brain tumor and I was left pretty much shattered. That morning I called both my best friend and Mike's but neither picked up the phone. I think they were probably both getting ready for work at that hour. In desperation, I called Kristopher just to have anyone to talk to (my mom was still en route with my brother to the hospital). Thankfully, Kristopher picked up the phone and I told him what happened. Since that day, Kristopher has always been there, supporting me and helping me get through Mike's death. Being an insider looking in and not having to grieve Mike's death in a personal way, he was able to offer lots of insight and unbiased support.

Maybe it's not the fairytale way to start a relationship but it just happened. We talked all the time. If I needed to cry or was having a difficult time at work I could always call Kristopher and talk to him about Mike. He was, and still is, so understanding and supportive and not once has he ever expressed jealousy over Mike or acted like he was in competition with him. Of course, our friendship grew into something more and I was not having an easy time being by myself in New York. I flew to Louisiana to meet Kristopher for the first time and it was like all my burdens were temporarily lifted.

A few more visits back and forth and I decided to leave NY and move to LA for a chance to move on with my life. Some people felt it was way too soon and they may still be bitter about it now but I know I had to do what I needed to do for me. I wasn't going to hold back and wait like I did when I was with Mike and miss out on everything we had planned. So I moved.

It's been almost three years since that move. It hasn't always been easy. Learning to be in a relationship with someone new had it's difficulties but we persevered. Kristopher has helped me realize that the grieving process is different for everyone and he was open about his own grieving when his brother passed away many years ago. He continues to support me and Mike is not a forbidden topic in our lives, in fact, he enjoys hearing stories about Mike.

Well on 8.8.11 I was having a particularly difficult day. It was the 2nd anniversary of what would have been my wedding day with Mike. I pretty much zoned out for most of the day and just thinking about how excited Mike had been about the wedding we were planning. On 8.9.11, Kristopher proposed -- online. At approximately 4pm in the afternoon I received a push notification to my iPhone with a proposal and a picture of the ring we had picked out several weeks ago. I didn't cry but smiled big and laughed a little. He knew me so well! Most people might think that is the worst proposal ever but I know the meaning behind it and I loved it. It was perfect. When I got home after work, he got down on one knee with box in hand and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes.

So now you know our story and I hope that although it grew from such a sad event, that you see the positive in it. God truly has blessed me with not one soulmate but two. He made sure that when he took Mike away to heaven that I would have someone to help me through it. A few weeks before the proposal, when I was doing a lot of work on the house, I noticed several rainbows appearing. Ones that reminded me of the rainbow that comforted many of us on Mike's funeral day. I knew it was Mike smiling down on me, reassuring me that it's okay to settle down, move on and be with someone else. I just knew it. It was like he was hugging me from heaven. Then a few days before the proposal I heard Tears in Heaven, the song his friend sang at his wake. I felt like he was telling me, "Go, you can't stay here with me." And so, I went with his love in my heart.

Final Wrist Update

2011-08-10T18:27:00.000-05:00

Final? Why, do you ask, is this the final update?

Simply because it's healed! It's finally healed! The only issue is that it lacks a little bit of the flexibility I had before and some strength but with some daily stretching and some exercises, I'm sure I can get that back into shape in no time!

I saw a hand specialist named Robby LeBlanc here in Lafayette. He works out of one of the Lourdes Regional Medical Center office buildings. We talked about my options and decided on another round of cortisone. He made sure he dug around with that needle in my wrist and put the cortisone in all the right spots. It was slightly painful (I was numbed before he started) but totally worth it. After the shots it took about 3 or 4 days before everything really loosened up and the pain went away. I was so happy I could cry! Especially since we were starting to do a lot of work on the house and I needed my wrist to get better. It took about another week before all the bruising from having a needle digging around in my wrist went away but it was totally worth it. If you ever have any sort of hand issues, this doctor is the doctor to see!

House Update

2011-08-08T17:30:00.009-05:00

Wow, sorry I haven't updated on the house lately! Kristopher and I have been really busy prepping it for our move and we have been quite exhausted the last few weeks. Me especially since I've been working on the house until 11-11:30pm at night in addition to my normal work day. We closed on the house on July 21st and I immediately started to get to work.

We had four rooms total to repaint. When I say "we" I really mean "I" since Kristopher is not a good taper, painter and the paint fumes give him severe headaches. I however, seemed to be immune to it all. So we took his mom's room from aqua to "winsome lilac", her bathroom from hot pink/purple to "lead-cast" gray, and her 2nd room from light pink to "stony path" which is a light gray with the slightest hint of green. They all turned out beautifully, except for the fact that the last homeowner was pretty messy with her painting and you can see a slight line of the old color peeking through near the molding in each room. Painting the molding was not on my list and so, we'll have to deal with it for now. I also repainted the upstairs room (our office and my craft area) which was purple, to "rolling sea" blue.
Side note: Valspar's Hi-Def paint, the one with the primer and color in one, is FANTASTIC. I only did one coat for each room and then just touched up areas that were showing through.
I didn't paint the ceilings so on some of the lower parts of the ceiling, you can still tell it used to be a playroom for two little girls. It's somewhat bright, but since the space was small I didn't want to make it too dark. So far that's the room to hang out in. Probably because it gets so cold.

Now, we were going to try and move this weekend, the 13th but, it turns out the movers aren't available to start packing until next Monday, pushing the earliest moving date to Wednesday of next week. Then I would leave for New York (to see the sweet, adorable Hannah be baptized), that weekend. I don't think I want to leave the house, even if it's only for 3 days in such disarray. So, I think we will wait until I come back and maybe move some little things every day until then. At least, that will make the actual cost of hiring packers and movers a little cheaper. I was really excited to possibly sleep in my new home this weekend. We shall see, Kristopher and I are still discussing it.

In addition to painting we have...

replaced all the locks with Schlage locks which work so much better than the previously installed locks
removed the mantle and cut it in half with hopes of getting it back up soon
set up our cool Z-Wave deadbolt lock and thermostat (we can now control these devices form the Internet. Yes, we are geeks and we love it).
cleaned the house from top to bottom with the help of my wonderful friends Kayla and Sammy
mounted the TV and some of the speakers with the help of our friends Scott and Blake
had LUS Fiber installed! (yay for Internet!)

but we still need to...

run all the network cable (some will be saved for winter)
run all the entertainment center wiring
fix a small hole in the front door
replace the weather stripping on the front & back doors (help?)
get the tile cleaned and re-sealed (Tuesday)
have LUS TV installed (Tuesday)
take care of any exterior work (most will probably wait until winter unless severe)
MOVE!

I'm so excited! I can't wait until it's all done so we can have a wonderful get together with our friends in our new house. A bunch of my family is already planning on coming down for Thanksgiving!!! Thank you to everyone who has helped us so far; we really really really appreciate it. Look out for more exciting news coming soon! It involves something sparkly.

Closing Date Coming Soon!

2011-07-11T22:08:00.004-05:00

So it looks like we'll be closing on the house soon! I can't wait! The current owners will be moved out and out of the country (one of them has a job in Brazil) by this Wednesday! THIS WEDNESDAY! So all we are waiting on now is the paperwork. Yay!

I can't wait to get to work on the house and start making it feel like home. It's been a long time coming and I'm excited for Kristopher, his mom and I to move into a house that will really be ours with enough room to accommodate the humans and the animals without feeling like we're going to trip over something. I've already brought up tons of paint chips; most of them for his mom. Her rooms are a priority to get painted first since they used to belong to two little girls and are currently painted really bright aqua and this candy purple color. Their bathroom is also half hot pink and half purple. It's kind of loud.

In addition to that I want to replace the locks. No, it's not that I don't trust the current homeowners, I just don't like the type of locks they have on the doors. I want to put a dual-cylinder deadbolt on the front door and change up the deadbolts on the back doors. After that, I want to get the floors checked out and make sure that if they need sealant it's taken care of. I have no illusions that the dogs might have accidents and want to prevent any of that from seeping into the floor.

I really do have a list of things to fix before we move in and I'm starting to get a schedule together of how we want to move in. I want to try not to do it all in one or two days, even if we have a moving company. I want to try and move the bedrooms first, probably with the help of some wonderful friends and make sure that mom is comfortable and set up in her rooms. Then, I'll having the packing/moving company come after everything else. This way there is no rush to get mom set up while a bunch other things are going on at once on the big moving day or she can go take a nap if she needs to when she gets tired.

I'll keep you all posted!

Wrist Update

2011-07-09T21:31:00.002-05:00

Well I had an appointment with my orthopedist the other day, Dr. Williams and he wants me to go see a hand specialist, Matt LeBlanc about my wrist. The one spot on my wrist that still hurts he's unsure of hence the new doctor. I hope Dr. LeBlanc can figure this out. I really miss being able to use my left wrist. You never really realize how much you do with your non-dominant hand until you can't use it.

Hopefully I get a good diagnosis and the words surgery aren't mentioned. Keep your fingers crossed!

Google+ for Mishy

2011-07-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

So I've finally gotten invited to use Google+ (as if I need another social network to spend my time on) and I have to say it's nice. Now as we all know I'm a pretty avid (read: addicted) Facebook user so I'm not sure if Google+ will be able to change that or not. I think the advantage that Google+ has over Facebook is that it's had time to see Facebook screw up.

Anyhow, I now have all my Circles set up with all my little groups of friends that I can share with. It's very similar to having friend lists on Facebook if you use them. You can control the visibility of everything on your profile or that you post. Facebook lets you do this too but Google+ seems to be easier to figure out. It's nice that Google+ has privacy options built-in from the get-go so it's not all or nothing and separate tabs for profile info, posts, pictures, videos, +1's and Buzz items. It's pretty interesting. However, there's not many people to be social with right now since they are "throttling" their invites to avoid masses of people joining at once. I understand the reasoning but it makes it somewhat boring at times.

I'm also writing this blog post in Blogger Drafts which gives me a preview of what the updated Blogger will look like. It pretty matches the look and feel of Google+ and the new GMail. Minimal, clean, a little boring. Even so, I like it.

What would I like to see? Google Reader integration with Google+. Right now I have the Reader items that I share or like showing up in my Google Buzz feed and then those show up in the Buzz tab on my Google+ profile. I'd like an option though to +1 something from Reader or something that let's me post a link to said item from Reader to Google+ in the posts section. I'm sure it's all coming but that's just my thought. Also since Photos pulls from Picasa, I was expecting to be able to pull Videos from my YouTube account - not so, or I missed the option.

What are your thoughts so far?

Also, maybe it's just the journalism major in me, but seeing the terms: +1'ed, +1'ing is somewhat hitting a nerve. Anyone else or am I just weird?

New Happenings

2011-07-05T13:55:00.000-05:00

This post is going to be different. It's not going to talk about the past it's going to talk about the future... I know, it's a change, prepare yourself. In the beginning of the year I said I was going to try and blog more, I lied. I knew I wasn't. However, here I am, new design, although simple and just a standard template. Nothing fancy. Anyway, on to the new stuff shall we?

New Job! (sort of) - I went from being a contract employee to a full-time employee. I'm also the Project Manager now which means I get to try and keep everyone on schedule and make sure projects are completed in a timely manner. It's a pretty good fit for my organized self. Seriously, I love working at Alien Marketing, I love the people I work with and the office I have. It's great and if you need a website, you know who to call! :)

New Pains - so I have something called Tenosynovitis DeQuervain's Syndrome. In short - tendonitis in my wrist, specifically the tendons that my left thumb uses. I've been going to occupational therapy at LaBorde Therapy for quite some time now. It's eating up lots of work hours which I feel guilty about but hopefully it gets better soon. I have a follow-up orthopedic appointment today, so hopefully it tells me something positive.

New House (almost) - I'm buying a house. It's gorgeous. It's only 10 minutes from our current location and it's big. Big enough to for me, Kristopher, his mom, our 4 dogs, 1 cat, 10 gallon fish tank and at least two of our future children. I'm totally excited about this and can't wait to move in. Hopefully we will be closing sometime in July and moved in by mid-August if all goes well.

New Baby - Okay, how many of you did I get? Seriously. It's not mine; it's my cousin's. A baby girl, Hannah Grace born on the 4th of July. She is super adorable people. Travis got me on Facetime to see baby Hannah in all her glory - she was sleeping, of course; but still just the sweetest thing I've seen this July. I don't think anything is going to top that.

Also my Godchildren are turning 1. Okay, one of them has turned 1 already, the other this weekend; they are only 2 weeks apart. They are walking and looking like toddlers and not babies already. Where did the time go? Where? I unfortunately did not make it to Rylee's birthday and I can't make it to Jayden's either but I made sure to spoil them both with plenty of gifts!

Life in Lafayette, LA is starting to pull itself together I think. I have a good feeling about it. It's only taken 3 years but I'm starting to go forward with happy memories and a smile on my face. There will always be pain in my heart from losing Mike but I just KNOW that it's going to be okay and I know he's happy for me too. I just do.

2011 is Here!

2011-01-12T13:45:00.000-06:00

I really want to remember to blog more. I really am going to try in 2011 to do that. For now, here's a quick recap of my Christmas holiday.

Friend's Christmas - our friends the Randolph's hosted a little Christmas get together a few weeks before Christmas. We had a great time hanging out with everyone, eating food, drinking wine and of course, opening gifts. Sammy and Kayla got me a pretty awesome scrapbooking rolling tote organizer that I wanted. I think I did very well with gifts this year. Everyone seemed to be simply ecstatic with what I got them. It makes me feel good to see that joy and know that I am THAT good at finding the right gift for each person.

New York Christmas - it is always great to see my family. After some last-minute wrapping we jumped right into the festivities. Again we ate... a lot. We opened up presents, we laughed, we talked, there is no other way to describe what my family does when we get together than to just say - we have a great time. Christmas with both side of my family was just awesome. I received some wonderful gifts but I have to say the best gift of all was learning that Baby Yee will be arriving in July. That's right, we're starting on the next generation! My cousin Travis and his wife let everyone know on Christmas that they are expecting! I admit, I cried. I'm a huge sap.

Visiting Friends - I stopped to visit my best friend Annemarie's mom first. I have not seen her in over two years and it was great to sit down and catch up with her and finally introduce her to Kristopher. Next was to visit Kelly and my super-adorable-way-too-cute-for-words Godson, Jayden. We talked for HOURS. It was great. There is no better feeling than knowing that despite distance and lack of conversation, a true friendship always just picks up where it left off without skipping a beat. That's what it is like when I get together with Kelly. It's like I never left. Did I mention how cute Jayden is? He's getting so big! I love my munchkin.

Visiting Mikey - Of course I had to make a very special stop to visit Mikey Jr. As always my visit was a surprise. Seeing him grow just melts my heart. He is getting tall, he is losing baby teeth and adult teeth are all coming in - he has the cutest smile right now because of it. He's also starting to get too heavy to lift in the air every time I see him but that certainly won't stop be from trying. We talked a bit and then played some Wii Mario Kart (pretty nifty). Eventually I had to leave but I'm so glad that I got to see him again. Oh for the record he doesn't like Science and Music at school! He's such a chatterbox. I love him, I never stopped, it's a blessing to be able to still be a part of his life.

Lafayette Christmas - we were delayed in New York due to a snow storm and there was much shoveling that needed to be done but we eventually made it back to Lafayette and did Christmas with Kristopher's mom. She knitted me this amazing blue shrug cardigan. I love it. The yarn is also super soft yet very very warm. She also got me a purple craft bag. She has one and I always thought it was very nifty so she bought me one! I love it! Kristopher got some pants that he's been needing and some car mats for Layla. It was a perfect compliment since our buddy Blake had gotten him the trunk mat.

Oh and my sentimental part of the month? December 28th. Three years ago on that date, one of the most wonderful men I've ever had the pleasure of loving, proposed to me in Las Vegas. I still miss him dearly.

Holy December Batman!

2010-12-06T14:06:00.000-06:00

Newsflash: It's December. Already. The decade is coming to an end. Here are some highlights of what's going on.

My car is back. It looks beautiful. Quality Collision is the place to go when you need bodywork on your car done. I've used them three times now and each time Marilyn has come back looking brand spanking new. Highly recommended. Seriously. I mean it. Now if I could just figure out how to disable the cloaking device we'd be dandy.

My Christmas plans are made. I'll be in New York from the 23rd to the 27th. The schedule is hectic as always:

23rd - land, go to NYC, do tourist stuff (Rockefeller Center, Apple Store, Times Square, etc.), wrap all the presents I've been shipping to NY
24th - Christmas with my mom's side of the family in Sugarloaf, NY
25th - Church and Christmas with my dad's side of the family in Florida, NY
26th - drive around town visiting friends
27th - fly back to Lafayette

Oh boy. I'm excited and yet terribly frightened. I'm not as spry as I used to be. Which I know is funny coming from a 27-year-old but seriously... I wonder if I'm going to make it through that week. I am excited to get into the city again, it's been a while and I always love when I have someone with me who has never been there before. It's magical to watch them take it all in.

I also have to make my yearly stop at Michael's grave to say hello and update him on the happenings of my life. Holidays are hard without him... still. The colder weather in Lafayette has been pretty much matching my mood. Cold, sharp, crisp... of course it then warms up again and I wonder if I can ever take out my full-length coat prior to packing for NY...

Did I mention it was December already? Oh how time flies. Even when you aren't having fun.

Dear Michael,

2010-10-25T12:13:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been missing you a lot. I've been thinking about us, about you, about me, about how much my life has changed since you've passed away. It's been more than two years now and while I have accepted it, there are some days where I can't believe it. Some days it feels like just yesterday when we were together holding hands, laughing together, feeling so much in love. It's so hard not having you here, not being able to hear your voice when I think I need it most. It literally tears me up inside and my heart physically aches like it never has before. It's like someone took half of my heart and tore it out leaving all the ends detached and hanging. I'm more emotional than I've ever been. Every sentimental moment in life or on a TV show or in a movie makes me tear up. I treasure all the little things in life so much more than I have before.

The holidays are especially hard. Traditions aren't supposed to change and I'm still adjusting to the new ones I'm creating. I remember us though... Halloween was always so much fun for us. We both enjoyed dressing up and partying and carving pumpkins. Thanksgiving was always a big celebration with your family... and then Christmas. Your favorite holiday of the entire year. The time of year when I don't think we were able to stay in one place for more than a few hours as we visited our families, ate food, opened presents and made memories. In short, I miss you.

I know I'm always going to miss you. There is no simple "getting over" someone who has had such a profound impact on my life. Instead you just become part of who I am now. I take our experiences and your words and use them to help me guide my life. Some days it would just be easier to have you here but I know you are in a place without suffering and without pain and it would be selfish of me to want you to leave that. I've noticed parts of you that have stuck with me, such as words, phrases or saying you used to use all the time. Those things are comforting.

Sometimes I do wonder what my life would be like now if you had lived. Our engagement party was just two weeks away, we were in the middle of planning an amazing wedding, you were on your way to becoming an accountant and all the pieces were falling into place. We had it all planned out... even the things we didn't want to talk about. You told me you expected me to go on if I ever lost you and I told you the same. I never thought I'd have to live by those words, I never imagined it would be so hard to keep that promise to you but I have. I have gone on and I have found another who loves me. It doesn't end the struggles that come during the year although each year I deal with it better and better...

So, as I go through this cycle of sadness and longing, I pray to God that he continue to give me the strength I need to keep on going and take every day one at a time. I pray that he continues to bless me with the knowledge and reassurance that everything will be okay. Mostly I thank God that He has given me another person in my life who seems to care for me as much as you have. I am quite the lucky girl to have his love, support and understanding.

Love Always & Forever,

P.S. To all my friends, family and those around me whom I love dearly. Please excuse me for the next few weeks. I am not myself, do not take my actions personally or lack of actions as I tend to just shut down when I feel like this. I'll be back to myself soon. XoXo

To my new readers... Michael and I dated for five years starting in 2003. In 2008 we were engaged, 6 months later he passed away from brain tumor. This prompted my move from New York to Louisiana in order to gain a fresh perspective on life. It's been two years but as you can see, sometimes it's still difficult. Thank you for reading.

Lafayette is Out to Get Me

2010-10-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

I'm convinced, someone in Lafayette seriously doesn't like me. Someone or something... let's rewind a little bit shall we?

One year ago, September 2009 - We go out to Abbeville for dinner and on the way home, driving around 40mph down Johnston Street (or whatever it's called in between Lafayette and Abbeville), a very suicidal and big raccoon decided it was going to dart across the street at the last moment. Needless to say, the raccoon didn't make it, it didn't have insurance and my bumper and left fog light and some other things up there got busted. Damage cost around $2000 with me paying $500 and Farm Bureau picking up about $1500.

Four months ago, May 2010 - We leave the house one afternoon to drive Kristopher's cousin to the airport. We decide to take my car which is parked out front by the mailbox on the grass. Well, we get to the car and what do you know... the entire driver's side is scraped from the back door up to the quarter-panel. Oh... and I'm missing a mirror. Fantastic. Okay well I was in the car this time... but gee that's a lot of damage for a car that was not even moving. Did I mention that there wasn't a note left behind? Damage around $3500 with me paying $500 again and Farm Bureau picking up about $3000.

Four WEEKS ago, September 3, 2010 - I left for work from my house just before 2pm. I stopped at the stop sign at the end of the block as always. There was another car approaching the stop sign from the right but I stopped already, I was first, I continued on thinking they were going to stop. Well he hit the passenger side of my car. Pretty hard. I banged my head on the side of the car. Everyone was okay for the most part and luckily Kristopher was driving behind me so I wasn't alone. The insurance companies still have no idea who's fault it is. (I blame him, he was driving with an expired license and pictures show it looks like he clearly hit me.) Damage this time? $4500, $500 more from me and $4000 more from Farm Bureau.

This last time is special though, I started getting neck pains and upper back aches - more painful than my usual tension from work. I finally made an appointment with Pinhook Chiropractic. Three days before my appointment, my lower back just gave up on me. I was in so much pain. I'm talking about, can't walk pain. I'm talking about, can't stand up on my own pain. I'm talking about, needing Kristopher to literally lift me up and help me back to bed pain.

Thankfully the chiropractic treatments are working and I'm covered up to $5,000 through my auto insurance company. I have to go for an adjustment 3 times a week for 12 weeks and ice my back when the pain is too much.

I'm hoping that this is the last time we will have to go through this with Marilyn. Plus, I've really got to calm my nerves while driving now.

A Weekend in Seattle

2010-09-26T00:09:00.000-05:00

Recently, Kristopher and I spent a long weekend in a city near Seattle visiting a long-time friend. This was the first time we've ever met he and his wife although we've played games with him online for nearly 6 years! Well, let me tell you, we had a great time.

It was so nice to get away from the weekend and away from responsibilities and obligations. This was a true getaway, doing something we wanted to do. No birthday parties to attend, no wedding, no family function, just getting out and visiting friends.

Of course our hosts spoiled us (not that we didn't enjoy it) and I enjoyed making friends with their three cats. Ozy, Dante and Miyu are wonderful cats. They are quite friendly and each have their own personality. Of course, it made me miss my Lucy-cat while we were gone but that's okay.

Perhaps the best treat was the trip up Mt. Rainier. Even though it was overcast, we were able to see some amazing views. The weather was also nice and cool and I wasn't too sure I wanted to return to Louisiana after that with all the heat and humidity.

If we ever go back, I definitely want to do the typical Seattle tourist stuff like the Space Needle and the market. I guess that just gives us more than one reason to visit the Seattle area again! Here are some pictures from our visit.

Waiting to eat breakfast!

Waterfall at Mt. Rainier

Kristopher and I at Mt. Rainier

Wildflowers at Paradise, Mt. Rainier

Blog Posts Coming Soon!

2010-09-20T14:13:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I've been away from blog world. I promise to get back to it as soon as possible! Look for upcoming posts on:

A Weekend in Seattle
Another Day, Another Accident for Marilyn
Grandma Celebrates 80!
2 Years in Lafayette
1 Year at Alien Marketing

Falling Asleep with Aunt Mishy

2010-08-12T22:16:00.001-05:00

New York was filled with great blessings for me during my last trip. In addition to seeing my sister get married to a great guy, visiting with Mikey, Jr., and spending time with family, I got to see my Godson for the first time.

Kristopher and I headed out to Queens to visit my best friend Kelly and finally meet Jayden. Even though we only stayed for a few hours, it was the best few hours of the day. EVER. Jayden is beautiful and I love him already. As soon as I walked through the door, Kelly came straight to me with the baby, "Here you go, you hold on to him while I finish cooking." I laughed as I could not imagine Kelly greeting me any other way. I sure have missed her. I could not have been more delighted to have that baby just plopped right in my arms. I didn't want to put him down either.

To add to the perfect moment, Jayden fell asleep in my arms. Kelly had told me he was being cranky all day and had been up since 7:45am and refused to nap or go back to sleep. Well after me standing there staring at him for 20 minutes while rocking back and forth, the sweet child was out like a light. I still didn't want to put him down. Kelly and I got to catch up a lot just talking about our lives and random things. We always talk more in person than on the phone or online and being apart all this time didn't change that. It was like we just picked up where we left off; that's how I know she's one of my best friends.

Eventually Jayden did wake up and I gave him a bottle. Kristopher burped him (I figured he was a pro since he's done this before), he got a diaper change and then... back in Aunt Mishy's arms for a little while longer. When he fell back asleep I handed him over to Kelly who held on to him for a few minutes before putting him in his bassinet.

Seeing Jayden sleeping soundly and the look of exhaustion on Kelly's face I told Kristopher it was time to leave so she could get some rest. I didn't want to leave them but I know they both needed some rest.

The entire time there all Kristopher and Kelly could tell me was that I needed a baby to love because I'm just the natural mothering type. I couldn't agree more but we still need to get some things in order before we can even think about having a baby. In due time...

Visiting Family

2010-08-02T11:41:00.000-05:00

While I was in New York I took the time to spend some extra time with some of my family. I went and visited my Uncle Marty up in Chester, NY. It's supposed to only a 1 hour to 1.5 hour drive but we hit traffic. I think it took almost 3 hours and we were SO HUNGRY by the time we arrived at my uncle's house. Lucky for us he had food waiting! BBQ ribs and stir fried noodles. Yummy!!! We spent a good amount of time talking and catching up during lunch and then headed out to do more yammering out on the deck. It was a beautiful day and it felt nice to be able to sit outside with family without melting.

At around 6pm, Kristopher and I continued our journey over to my cousins' house. Travis and Phyllis recently bought a house and since we weren't around for the house warming party we decided to go check it out. You can say we got a private tour! The house is beautiful and I couldn't be happier for the two of them! They make a great couple and deserve all the happiness in the world. We also got to meet Stella, their beagle which was very exciting. Kristopher and Stella managed to become best friend really quickly.

After being treated to a delicious baked ziti meal with meatballs, salad and garlic bread, they drove us to the church for another private tour! Let me tell you, the church is beautiful. It's small but at the same time very inviting and I think a great fit for Travis or Reverend Yee as he's called.

Lucky for us the drive back to Long Island that night was quick and pain free! I love my family and I'm so happy that I got to spend some extra time with a small part of them.

M&M Air Hockey 1-1

2010-08-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

So I got to see one of my favorite little boys while I was in New York during this last trip. I was so tired the day after Laura's wedding I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. I had woken up at 5:30am Saturday and did not go to bed until 4:00am Sunday, only to wake up at 9:00am Sunday for brunch. After brunch I headed over to see Mikey, Jr.!!!

It is always such a treat to be able to visit with Mikey; even if it's only for a few hours. He never knows when I'm coming but Mike's family does and I don't mind. The pure joy I get to see on his surprised face every time I walk in is worth it. It just shows me how much he still cares about me and it warms my heart to know that he loves me as much as I still love him.

After getting a huge hug, we talked for a bit. He's doing pretty well in school and going into the 3rd grade next year. My how time flies, I remember attending his pre-school graduation like it was yesterday but now... THIRD grade! I gave him a little gift that I got him, a gift card for his vacation to Disney in a few weeks. I figured he would enjoy being able to go around Disney World and "buy" things - toys, food, souvenirs. Hopefully he has a good time.

Mikey then wanted to show me the air hockey table he got for Christmas and we played two games. I won the first one (he was pretty upset because he said boys are not supposed to lose to girls!) and he won the second one so we high-fived and called it a tie. He talked about Mike and I was happy to see it was in a joyful remembering kind of way and not in a sad or depressed way. In a way I guess you can say we reminisced a little bit, talking about the way daddy used to laugh and how much we miss him. After air hockey we played Super Mario Bros. on the Wii which was pretty fun. I'm such a sucker for anything Mario-related.

Then his cousins arrived and wanted to go in the pool. Mikey asked me to go with him but I took that as my cue to leave since I still had family at the house. I got a big hug and a kiss and best of all... we took a picture. He was so cute because he dug out his Nintendo DS so he could take his own picture to have.

It's a blessing to know that even though Michael is no longer on Earth with us, Mikey and I still share such a close bond that spans not just time but distance. Thanks Michael, having Mikey in my life is one of the best gifts you've ever shared with me. We love and miss you so much!

New York Food

2010-07-30T11:40:00.001-05:00

One of the best things about coming up to New York is being able to satisfy all my New York food cravings. Now there is nothing wrong with the food down South, it's just a different selection of food so I can't help but miss my favorites.

Pizza - I don't care who you are or what you say but NY pizza and pizza from the South are two entirely different things. They say it's all in the water and any pizza shop outside of New York that makes pizza that tastes like it's from New York; ships the water. True story! I promise!

Chinese Food - Canton City Inn is fabulous but it does not come anywhere close to Fortune Wheel and there is not one Chinese restaurant in Lafayette that serves dim sum. I've been going to Fortune Wheel for as long as I can remember living in New york and it is still delicious 20 years later. Some of my favorites include salt and pepper fried squid, salt baked crab, squab (yes that's pigeon; get over it), roast duck, shark fin soup and several types of noodles. Dim sum foods that I love are shrimp in a blanket, fried dough in a blanket, shrimp ANYTHING... who am I kidding, it's all delicious.

Garden Gourmet - Deli in Garden City. They serve all types of sandwiches, wraps, buffet items, pasta salads, etc. but what I really miss is the salad bar. You get your choice of greens (4 different types available), a main selection (usually your meats), and then 4 additional selections which include all your different cheeses, fruits, tortilla strips, eggs, bacon, vegetables... all tossed with your selection of dressing - and there are at least 10 different kinds to choose from. It is so delicious! I also made sure to stop by DC3 and get some tri-color pasta salad (tri-color pasta, fresh mozzarella cheese cubes and peppers coated in pesto).

Family Cooking - of course nothing beats some home-made food. Dad has cooked linguine with clams, home made Caesar salad, barbecued chicken and ribs, salmon, king crab legs, sweet corn, egg noodles with meatballs, and linguine with sausage and peppers. We've also been treated to baked ziti at my cousin Travis' house and some stir fried noodles at my Uncle Marty's house.

We've also had sangria, pineapples, strawberries and flying saucers from Carvel for dessert along with all the food from the wedding and plenty of red wine!

A Wedding to Remember!

2010-07-29T11:27:00.000-05:00

Wow, where do I start? First of all, Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Peter Sohl!!!! I wish my sister, Laura, and my brother-in-law, Peter all the happiness in the world as they start their new married life together!

Kristopher and I arrived in NY after a two-day drive on Wednesday (21st). The drive was relatively easy with minimal traffic and lucky for me Kristopher did all the driving. I did offer to drive but he never accepted which was fine with me. However, let it be clear that I did not make him drive the entire way to New York.

So Thursday was prep day - Kristopher got a much-needed hair cut with Dean at my old salon - Curl Up & Dye. I was so relieved to get my clean-cut looking Kristopher back! It was also great catching up with Dean again; apparently I really missed my hairdresser. After that we headed back to my parent's house and then the women left for Fantastic Spa for manicures and pedicures. It was nice to get out with just my mom and my sister. Dinner followed afterward at Fortune Wheel where we met up with Lars and Anna (dad's colleagues from Sweden).

Friday was relatively easy despite some last minute worries about Laura's Maid of Honor. It was rehearsal day which didn't start until 6:45pm. Laura had a mini freak-out because some of the bridal party were late but all in all the rehearsal was relaxing. My cousin Travis, who officiated the ceremony, really did a great job of making the rehearsal fun and serious at the same time. The entire time during the rehearsal though I was texting with Laura's MoH, Betty. Betty had missed her plane and was going through hell getting the next flight out. Everything under the sun was trying to prevent her from making it to her BFF's wedding! Mechanical problems, tornado watch, thunderstorms... you name it. Well Betty did make it to the wedding. She arrived in NY at 4am and didn't bother sleeping before coming to the house on Saturday morning ready for hair and make up. She was an amazing support and did not once complain about being tired on my sister's big day. Laura is so lucky to have her as a friend.

Saturday - there is not much to say. Everything went wonderfully and beautifully. Everyone looked amazing, the bride looked gorgeous. The groom teared up watching his bride walked down the aisle, the church was PACKED, Travis did a great job with the ceremony and the reception was tons of fun. Dancing, tons of food, great live band... it would take me forever to give you all the details. I was up for practically 24 hours by the time I went to bed at 4pm. The fun, of course, didn't end there... we went to Fortune Wheel the next day for dim sum at 11:00am.

My only complaint - it was the hottest day of the week and the few hours we were out in the sun taking pictures was enough to make me sweat out 10 lbs. (Well I wished it were that easy but it felt like it.) It was so hot I didn't even drink alcohol that day. Water, water, water, two glasses of champagne for toasting and then back to more water.

What a wonderful weekend!

Potato Scrapbook Time!

2010-07-16T12:00:00.000-05:00

So on Monday we had two special guests for dinner - our friend Chris and Potato! Potato's parents went to see the newest Twilight movie along with Chris' Mrs. Anyway, we had fajitas and watching Potato eat a plain tortilla really made me laugh. He loved it. We also played music and watched Potato dance which was very entertaining. By the way, he also finds Kristopher to be hilarious. If there was anything Kristopher was good at that evening it was making Potato laugh over and over again. After dinner, we decided to get out of our house because it was so hot and head over to Chris' nicely air conditioned place to hang out for a while until the other adults got back.

I loved the idea of being able to spend more quality time with the little guy and grabbed some scrapbooking pages and my new tote on the way out the door. Although the little man admittedly did not seem very interested in my arts & crafts time; he did paste a few pieces down on the page and move a few pieces that were already pasted down. He had more fun rearranging my scrapbooking tote than he did making the page. It was pretty cute. He took out all the markers and then would put them all away. Then he'd move on to all the fancy scissors - take them all out and put them all away. I didn't even have to worry about him uncapping the markers and wreaking havoc on the coffee table or obsess that he might cut himself with the scissors - he just wasn't interested.

Anyhow, I don't have a picture of the page we made - but I made sure his momma took one for me!

The rest of the night I was trying to get Potato to say, "Aunt Mishy" and I think I got him to say it once. It was more like "At Mmmshy" but at least I could tell he was trying to copy what I was saying. There is hope yet! He's already got, "I love you," down pat so we just have to add the Aunt Mishy part and we are good to go!

Michael's + Hobby Lobby + Scrapbooking on the Brain = $$$

2010-07-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

As you can tell from the title, I spent some money this past weekend at the craft stores buying scrapbooking supplies. I went to Hobby Lobby with my two ladies to find some frames to fit the pages they made on Friday (see Margaritas & Scrapbooking).

Well they didn't see any frames and refrained from spending lots of time in the scrapbook aisles and only bought a cute pink and brown tote to hold some of my supplies. Well for some reason, even though I had planned to go home, I went over to Michael's. Big mistake.

An hour later I walked out of the store with enough materials to overflow my new tote and then some. Oops! I am working on a few special projects that I hope I can finish soon! I really need to find an area where I can keep my scrapbooking materials out so that when I feel like scrapbooking I don't have to haul everything to the kitchen table from the living room. In my house there will definitely have to be a dedicated scrapbooking or craft area!

Margaritas & Scrapbooking

2010-07-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

So, the other day one of my girlfriends was having a pretty bad, bummed out day. In an effort to make her feel better her friends and I decided to hang out with her after work to cheer her up. I figured something creative would do the trick and packed up two boxes of scrapbooking supplies to take over to her house.

Well, when I got to her house I found out that we were going to another friend's house out in Duson so that we could have some margaritas to unwind. I definitely did not mind! Well, let me tell you what; the margaritas were amazingly delicious. They were made with fresh strawberries and mango - I promise, really really yummy stuff here that did the trick. After enjoying some time outdoors with our 'ritas we went inside and started scrapbooking.

Here's the results of our little scrapbooking session. (I didn't make all of these, just the one with the pink background.)

I wish I got to scrapbook more often!

Godmother Mishy... Round 2!

2010-07-13T00:09:00.001-05:00

Wait, didn't I already post about becoming a Godmother just a few weeks go? Yes, and now I'm doing it again! I'm pleased to announce the birth of my Godson:

Jayden John

July 9, 2010, 5:22pm

Weight: 7lbs. 6oz.

Length: 20in.

I'm so happy that Kelly asked me to be Jayden's Godmother. I honestly did not think she would ask me with all the friends and family she has. It's truly an honor and the day she told me (yes, she didn't ask me, she told me), I cried. Kelly and I go way back... way way back... I've known her since Kindergarten! Back in NY, we only lived 7 blocks from each other and have always stayed friends. I would say we became the closest in high school as she and I would hang out all the time.

Kelly was another person I did not want to leave behind when I left New York. Who else would I be able to call at 11pm at night to just go for a ride? Who else would even come up with the idea to see how many different diners we can eat at on Long Island in one summer? What other friend could I drive around with for two hours and not really have to say a word to -- and it be okay? Oh and most importantly, who else would understand that sleeping in on non-work, non-school days was essential unless it involved going to the beach? No one else really.

Congratulations to my other best friend - Kelly and to Jerrod too; he is the daddy after all! I love you both and I can't wait to meet this bundle of joy in a few weeks.

God has truly blessed me now with two wonderful, adorable Godchildren and two girlfriends who I know will always be there for me no matter where we live!

W(h)ining and Dining

2010-07-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

Back in May, my friend Kayla, invited me and some other friends over to her house for dinner. She (with the assistance of Sammy) made lasagna for dinner, I brought the wine (Cheateau Ste. Michelle Cabernet Sauvignon) and there was a delicious cookie cake. It was a great time and Kristopher and I didn't get back home until 1am (which is late for us considering we hardly go out for long periods of time)! The best part about this was that it got me out from moping around the house on the 2nd anniversary of Michael's passing. I seriously thought I was going to go there and just be miserable the entire time because I was so down. I was wrong. I had a great time, at one point I felt guilty for it because I felt like I should have been sad - it was, after all, the anniversary of one of the saddest days of my life. I then realized, that this is what Michael would've wanted me to do. To remember him but, at the same time, go on having a good time and enjoying life to the best of my ability.

I had hung out with the girls before but that night was different. We sat around and had girl time, we cooed over Kayla's little boy and I didn't freak out because Kristopher was still in the next room over talking with the guys. Plus it's great to be able to sit there and bitch about whatever you want for a night without having to worry about hurting anyone's feelings.

That night, Supper Club was born! So once a month someone else cooks dinner for the same group. June was my month and once again we had a fabulous time. I cooked pork and shrimp fried rice, Sammy brought the wine and "juice," Kayla let me use her kitchen and her house since it has more seating room and Nicole brought the most delicious Oreo cake for dessert.

Oh check out this video from our last supper club of Clayton with Uncle Kristopher.

I can't wait until next month! Sammy's up next!

iSkin Vu for iPad - Sleek, Pretty and Useful

2010-07-07T21:14:00.000-05:00

I might not have written about it but a few months ago I bought an iPad for myself. Every year I buy one expensive thing that I really want for my birthday since I tend not to spend too much on materialistic things the rest of the year.

Of course, you can't just buy and iPad - you need accessories and, if you know me well enough by now, you know that some sort of protective cover is definitely at the top of the list. Enter the iSkin Vu. This skin wasn't available when the iPad was first released. I had to wait until July for it. That's almost two entire my months! Well, I have to say, it's worth the wait. I have ordered from iSkin before for my iPhone 3G and it has worked remarkably at keeping my phone from getting damaged. So I knew that iSkin was the kind of protection I wanted for my iPad.

I ordered the iSkin Vu in my favorite color - purple (or as they call it, Vive). It's looks beautiful! Not a fan of purple? The iSkin Vu also comes in black, pink, aqua blue, dark blue, red and orange.

As you can see in the pictures, the iSkin completely covers the back of my iPad without covering up the Apple logo, provides full coverage for the sides, and leaves only the screen uncovered on the front. The colored areas are made of a "durable rubberized plastic" that protects the iPad from shocks, bumps and scratches. The clear part is made of a "hard plastic" to provide premium protection without covering up the design. All buttons and ports are also covered. In addition the clear section on the bottom snaps on and off to allowing you to dock the iPad. Since I don't use a dock I never remove this part.

Are there any negatives? Well for one, I'm not a fan of the headphone jack and the orientation lock being covered by little plastic flaps. It's really a pain to try and lift these pieces of plastic up to use them. I have to use my nails so I can only imagine how inconvenient it is for guys or people with bigger fingers to use. I think I plan to cut these flaps off in the near future. The second issue is that the "hatch" that allows the iPad to dock doesn't quite fit right. It may be because the iSkin Vu provides such a tight fit around the iPad it's hard to slide that piece into place perfectly. While the rubberized plastic parts help with gripping the iPad, the hard plastic back does not. So far this hasn't been a problem for me... yet.

All in all I would definitely buy this again and I look forward to seeing what cases they put out for the new iPhone 4s. As a side note I've dropped mine 4 times already (it's perfectly fine) and so I think I need to get one as soon as I can! Now that I've reviewed the iSkin Vu, I suppose I owe some posts to reviewing the iPad itself and perhaps my iPhone 4. Stay tuned!

Strawberry Margaritas on the 4th of July

2010-07-05T17:20:00.002-05:00

We had some great weather for the 4th of July! The sun was scorching hot and the humidity was just bearable. Kristopher and I met up with a large group of friends at Chili's for lunch and then headed over to the pool. Kayla, Sammy and I suntanned while the boys hung out in the pool with the Tater. It was just humid enough to warrant few dips in the pool every so often which Kayla's little man loved because every time we were in the pool he got extra love and attention. It was so cute watching him try to swim and kicking his feet. It was even cuter watching Uncle Kristopher hold him while he kicked and moved his arms swimming. He's such a dad.

Here's a video of Clayton swimming with his daddy.

Of course, hanging out poolside with the girls wouldn't be complete without some drinks. I stopped at the drive thru daiquiri and picked up a gallon of strawberry margarita. It was quite delicious!

However I think the highlights of my day consisted of two things:

1- Hearing Clayton say, "Hello Mishy, I love you."
2- Actually managing to get a good tan without burning.

Yes, it's the little things in life.

Happy Independence Day

2010-07-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

The 4th of July

BBQs
Relaxation
Fun in the Sun

All these things can be associated with the 4th of July. However, let's not forget Freedom and those who fight for our country every day.

Have a happy and safe 4th of July and remember to keep those who fight for our country every day in your thoughts. They aren't enjoying BBQs, they aren't relaxing and I would hardly call what they are doing "fun in the sun."

-Proud to be an American

Waiting for Jayden John

2010-07-04T01:33:00.000-05:00

I've already told you about Rylee Nicole, but what I didn't mention was that I'm now waiting for Jayden John to get here. I had mentioned that Annemarie was one of my best friends right? Well the other is Kelly. I have known Kelly since kindergarten. We attended the same schools from elementary through high school. In addition she lived only 7 blocks away from me when I lived in New York. Giving up seeing my best friend whenever I wanted was the one of the hardest things I had to do when I moved to Louisiana. Kelly and I have never had an argument. Sure, we may have been upset at one another at times but we've never had a full blown out argument. We also know that just because we don't talk every day doesn't mean we can't depend on each other when we really need it. It has always been said that Kelly has been my bad influence (making sure I had fun) while I've always been her good influence (making sure she didn't get in too much trouble).

I've realized there's a lot more that I'm missing being so far away from my best friend; like the birth of her first child. Knowing her for so long this is something I imagined I would be there for. Maybe not literally but certainly within hours of Jayden John's birth I should be at the hospital taking pictures and loving on that little boy. Instead, I'll be here in Louisiana and probably getting a phone call like I did for Rylee Nicole. So I will wait... patieantly. Thankfully I will be in New York for my sister's wedding on July 24th so I know I will get to see Jayden John during his first month of life anyway.

All in all, I can't wait. Aunt Mishy is waiting for you Jayden and already loves you!

Blog Designer Mishy

2010-07-02T20:02:00.002-05:00

Well, as you can see, I've updated my blog design. I hope you like it! My friend Kayla has asked me to do a lot of design for her blog (and Potato Makes Three!) She found a lot of the different design elements that she wanted to use on ShabbyBlogs.com but had no idea how to implement them or tweak them to her liking. Once I did some work on her blog I couldn't stop myself and would continually keep going back to add a little of this and that to her blog. When Kayla's sis-in-law, Claire started blogging ( The Smith Crew), Kayla asked me if I could add some pictures to her header. Of course I couldn't turn down the opportunity. I hope she likes it!

After doing all that I work I figured that perhaps I should update the design on my blog as well. I'm nowhere near done with it but hopefully I'll get it looking as awesome as Kayla's blog soon!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Godmother Mishy

2010-06-30T22:29:00.002-05:00

I'm proud to announce that I now have a new child in my life...

Rylee Nicole

June 22, 2010, 7pm

Weight: 6 lbs. 9 oz.

Length: 21 in.

Rylee Nicole's mom, Annemarie and I have been friends since junior high school when I let her sit next to me on the school bus. Even though we pretty much had zero classes together and totally different sets of friends, we've stayed close all this time. She is truly one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without her. This is Annemarie's third child, she has two more adorable munchkins whom I also claim as "mine" - Desaray and Andrew.

However, Rylee is extra special because Annemarie asked me to be her Godmother. I am so happy and honored that she asked me. I wish I could have been there at the hospital but we don't even live in the same state anymore. Irregardless, we managed to stay close and keep in touch. I was chatting online with her the day before and the day of Rylee's birth. (Up until a few hours before Rylee decided to make her grand entrance anyway.) Annemarie was also sure to call me and I got to hear her crying during her first hours of life. It was truly beautiful.

Baby Shower, Birthday, Spa, Dinner and a Cemetery Visit

2010-06-07T23:06:00.002-05:00

That pretty much sums up my latest visit to New York. I just got back home from New York after a very filling weekend.

When I landed Friday night it was a mad rush after dinner to buy presents presents and more presents! I love buying presents, I love giving to those I love! Saturday was a busy day. First I went to my best friend, Kelly's baby shower. The shower itself wasn't a surprise but I was! When I hugged her as I said hi I think I almost started crying. It felt so good to see her again. Even more so because she is 8 months pregnant and has that wonderful pregnant, mommy-to-be glow!

After I left the baby shower I went home where most of my dad's side of the family had met up for my grandfather's 84th/85th birthday. It's to be debated whether he is 84 or 85. The Lunar calendar says 85 and we celebrated his big 80th birthday according to the lunar calendar so that's what I'm sticking with. However, if you don't follow the lunar calendar - then he's turning 84. As always, it was good to see the family again and we filled the night with laughter, food from Fortune Wheel and of course, cake. We also celebrated my cousin Maggie's 10th birthday and my brother's puppy, Jackson turned 2!

Sunday was a more relaxing day. I took the time to go visit Michael at the cemetery. The lilies his family planted were just starting to bud. It was windy and my hair was crazy and flying all over the place. In a way that's very much what I felt like inside - all over the place. I talked to him a little bit, I said a prayer and then kissed his headstone and walked away. Walking away is always the hardest part and always makes me cry just a little. I returned to the house and then went to the spa with my mom. I relaxed with a deep cleansing facial followed by a manicure to ease the stresses away. Later that evening I went out to dinner with my friend Josh at the Brewhaus since I was craving a pretzel fondue.

Monday morning I got up and flew back home to Lafayette. When Kristopher came to pick me up we both had the stupidest smiles plastered on our faces. As usual, he wore a polo shirt (not a t-shirt) and gave me the biggest hug and kiss while lifting me off the ground. Seriously it's like something out of a movie and we do this every time he picks me up from the airport. I don't think I will ever get tired of it either.

That's about it. I didn't post about Mike's 2 year anniversary in heaven because I figured everyone knew how I was doing that day. I was pretty much as far down as I could get for about 3 weeks. I just struggled to get through those weeks and cried... a lot. However, here I am, so I made it and it'll get easier to deal with the pain even though it never goes away... or at least that's what I'm convincing myself. :)

May Flowers?

2010-05-14T00:21:00.001-05:00

May used to be such a happy month for me. My birthday is in May, Mother's Day is in May and who doesn't like Memorial Day weekend? It's that time of year when it gets warm and flowers start blooming. Babies are born and life just seems to be created all around you. It's always been one of my favorite months and not just because of my birthday.

I hope to one day feel this way about the month of May again but for now, all it brings is pain. A reminder that someone that I love so dearly is no longer on this Earth and missed by not just me but tons of friends, family members, co-workers and of course, his son. I try to think positive; it's usually all I ever do but when May comes around it's so hard to find that comfort.

I know he is happy in the Lord's kingdom up in heaven and I have to make sure that I never forget that while I may hurt emotionally, he is free from physical pain and that it was God's will to take him at such a young age. I have to trust that it was meant to happen this way but admittedly it is hard. How can you just say it's okay with that empty feeling inside? Even though I smile and laugh and find comfort in Kristopher's love and understanding, how do you make the overall pain just go away? Kristopher says if it didn't hurt so much then something would be wrong and because it hurts so much, it means that I really love Michael and Michael loves me.

Thank you for all your support and well wishes. One day, flowers will bloom for me again in May.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

#27

2010-05-03T23:09:00.009-05:00

So I turned 27 yesterday! Yes I'm getting older but there is definitely nothing wrong with that. I started out my day eating BBQ at Dwight's for lunch with Kristopher. It's our favorite place to eat on Sundays. Of course, I wish I had made it to church. My cell phone alarm went off at 9am as planned and I promptly tapped "snooze" at 9am... not realizing my phone was on vibrate and I set it back down on my bed. Guess that Tempurpedic mattress really doesn't transfer movement...

After lunch Bret arrived with my birthday scone (blueberry) which I put aside because I was still full from lunch. Shortly thereafter, our friend Bryan arrived from Houston! We all hung around, looked at Bryan's shotgun and just hung out until it was time for dinner at Outback.

Dinner was delicious and entertaining. Kristopher bonded with the Randolph's little one and didn't want to be put down when Kristopher needed to use the bathroom. It was really cute. (Pictures to be added later.)

After dinner we had cake courtesy of Marty. It was a cookie monster cake - very blue! She also brought me a balloon which Lucy had a great time playing with. I received some great gifts which I appreciate very much. I really do have some great friends down here and I feel so blessed to have met them!

I leave you with this video of Lucy to sum up my birthday.

My Birthday So Far

2010-04-30T20:40:00.001-05:00

So my birthday so far is going well. All the gifts I bought for myself from Amazon are slowly rolling in. I love spoiling myself once a year. Among the gifts are some pilots and yoga videos to help me with my new fitness routine (or so I hope it becomes a routine).

Today two of my favorite gifts so far arrived; my 3G iPad and a Crepe Myrtle Bonsai tree. I had pre-ordered the iPad a while ago as a gift from me to me so that wasn't really a big surprise although I was still excited that it FINALLY arrived. The bonsai was from a friend who lives in WA and most certainly did not need to send me a gift but he did anyway. It totally made my day. I hope I don't kill the bonsai but I am really excited to take care of it!

I've been wearing my engagement ring from Michael on my right hand the past few days. I really miss him, especially during my birthday because even though he couldn't afford to spoil me with material things; he always made my birthday special. I will never forget those years of pre- and post-birthdays; birthday songs right at midnight; cupcakes with candles in them and perfect birthday cards that always included a personal message letting me know exactly how much he loved and appreciated me.

On Sunday I am going out to dinner with my friends at Outback. I also learned that Bryan, our friend from Houston, is coming to visit and will be here for my birthday. I can't wait until he gets here!

Anyhow, that's the update for now. I'll be sure to let you all know how the rest of my birthday goes.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Get Fit and Get it Together

2010-04-22T12:17:00.001-05:00

So, as usual I've neglected to keep up with my blog. Now I will have even less time as I try to get into better shape. I have started a low-calorie diet and drink more water than soda every day. I am also trying to go for a one-mile walk at least 4 times a week and have started the one hundred push ups challenge with my sister.

What brings this on you may ask?

Well, I was recently in New York for my sister's bridal shower and bachelorette party (which were TONS of fun by the way) and while I was there I had my first bridesmaid dress fitting. Yup, you guessed it, it didn't zip all the way. Now keep in mind, when I was in NY in February it zipped up just fine so who knows why this time it wouldn't. I didn't think I gained that much weight between February and April but I guess so!

In addition, I'm tired of people asking if I'm three months pregnant or talking about how I look pregnant when I'm not. I know lots of you will tell me they are crazy for even saying that I look like that but people are not always nice. Truthfully Kristopher would prefer if I didn't try losing any weight at all although he is supporting me. "As long as you're happy," he tells me. Will this make me "happy?"

Probably not. It's hard to be happy and want to improve yourself when you're still in the grieving process. That's right, it's not over. I may not show it but I'm still dealing with it. Weight gain comes with depression and also with quitting smoking and I did those things at the same time. So maybe those who criticize my weight gain can cut me some slack. One month until the 2nd anniversary of Mike's death and I'm trying my best to keep it together while being as involved as possible in my sister's wedding (because I don't want to miss a single part of it and regret it later) and take care of myself and the household.

I admit, it's not easy and most people are not used to seeing me lose it, give up or fall apart, but the pressure is hard and sometimes, I can't help it; I want to give up. However, giving up is easy and I'm not taking the easy way out. So help out or get out of my way.

Get Fit and Get it Together - My Challenge

stick to the new diet including fewer calories and a lot less soda (tracked using Lose It!)
drink at least three bottles of water a day (24 oz bottle)
walk at least a mile, 4 days a week (see my progress)
stick with the push up challenge even if I suck at it
get back to church regularly on Sundays
re-read On Grief and Grieving

Spring Is in the Air!

2010-03-26T11:14:00.000-05:00

Spring is in the air... at least here in Lafayette it is. I'm currently battling a cold but I think it's almost gone. Kristopher is not as lucky and has been dealing with the same symptoms plus cough and fever for the past two days. We went to the doctor yesterday and he got some medicine so hopefully he starts feeling better soon. I hate seeing him so miserable.

By the way... antibiotics are FREE at Food 1 Pharmacy. Who knew? What a way to look out for their customers! We were definitely pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, instead of Spring cleaning I decided to spruce up my blog. If you read my blog through another method (and not at blogger), take a look at http://mishylee.blogspot.com. I've changed up the theme and added a few pages. Let me know what you think!

In the meantime, enjoy the warm weather! I can't wait to see all the flowers blooming and for every day to be in the 70s!! Once Kristopher starts feeling better he wants to start a walking routine in the morning. Early in the morning... before I even wake up for work. Hopefully we can start it, stick to it and begin losing some weight and improving our health. I'll keep you posted!

Relaxing in Las Vegas

2010-03-24T22:38:00.002-05:00

So Kristopher and I just got back from a long weekend in Las Vegas/Henderson, NV. Too bad we also came back with colds but hopefully we get over it soon. The main point of our trip was to visit my mom and see the new house now that it's finished and mostly furnished.

Let me tell you, the house is amazing. I had a goal to use all 7 toilets but I only manged to use 5 while I was there. I know I know, try harder. I really don't want to brag about it too much but mom and dad deserve every single inch of that luxurious dream house. They've worked hard all these years to provide for their family and treat us to vacations and other things that they couldn't experience as kids. They deserve this for all their hard work!

We also did a little bit of sight seeing during our visit. I took Kristopher to the Hoover Dam which he thought was awesome. They are in the middle of building a bridge across the dam which should be done in the summer. Maybe on our next visit there it will be done and we can drive across it. We saw one show during our stay, The Fab Four Live. They are an awesome Beatles' tribute band and I definitely enjoyed the show. We also caught two freebie shows on the strip - The Sirens of TI and the Mirage Volcano.

The other big thing we did was EAT. My mom spoils us so much with food. We went to The Palm, Joe's Seafood at Caesar's Palace and a Sushi buffet at Planet Hollywood. We had dessert every single night. It was crazy. So much for that bridesmaid's dress fitting in April. Juuuust kidding Laura.
However, this vacation was not all work and no play. We built a lamp, rebuilt the dining room table, moved the coffee table into the living room and Kristopher got the wireless networks working the way Dad wanted them setup.

As a reward, we ate, we relaxed in hot tubs and slept in wonderful king-sized beds. Yes, our hard work was definitely appreciated. It was so good to feel appreciated for what we had done while we were there. Some people don't realize how important that is but obviously, my mom does. Thanks Mom.

A New Look

2010-03-17T23:35:00.001-05:00

Bear with me as I make some changes and updates. I just wanted to change it up a bit...

It's Your Day and I Love You

2010-01-26T15:12:00.004-06:00

Today is Kristopher's birthday! This year he turns 32 but don't let that fool you, he's still young in heart. It's one of the reasons why I love him so much. Notice I said one; there are many more...

I dedicate this post to the one person that has been able to keep me standing whenever I felt like I am falling into a bottomless pit.

I love Kristopher because...
... he takes out the garbage on Mondays.
... he holds me when I'm cold.
... he is very supportive with all that I do.
... he doesn't mind doing most of the driving.
... he likes to watch me play video games.
... he watches movies he's not very interested in with me.
... he always compliments my cooking.
... he holds me when I cry.
... he loves our pets as much as I do.
... he is a biology geek.
... he doesn't mind explaining things I do not understand to me.
... he always holds my hand or arm in his when we walk.
... he doesn't expect me to cook every night.
... he still opens my car door.
... he makes cheesy and geeky jokes that I get.
... he gets my geeky and cheesy jokes.
... he listens to my worries and then reassures me there is nothing to worry about.
... he loves cheese.
... he picks me up when I fall down.
... he will wash the laundry if I fold it.
... he knows how to load a dishwasher!
... he notices the little things.
... he let's me put Pepsi in the fridge next to his Dr. Pepper.
... he listens to everything I have to say about Michael.
... he understands that family is very important to me.
... most of all, he loves me as much as I love him.

Happy Birthday Kristopher. I love you.

Time

2010-01-18T12:31:00.001-06:00

Last year was a blur, time went by so fast...
Every day it seemed that yesterday you passed away
This year is crawling
It seems you've been gone for so much longer
Every day seems like a week
Every week a month...
I still have bad days
They don't come as often
but they seem to
last longer
hurt more
If time could move faster...
I'd ask it to fast forward through the pain
and slow down during laughter, smiles...
Good times and good memories of you of me

Rambling... wondering... waiting

Welcome to 2010

2010-01-01T22:39:00.003-06:00

So it's the new year, Happy 2010!

I wonder where the new year will take me. Will I be happier? Will I have as many high and low points in my year as I did this year? The first seven months of 2010 I already have major things planned - weddings, family gatherings, etc. It seems so overwhelming I almost want 2010 to just stop in it's tracks.

The depressing moments are coming fewer and fewer. However, when they come to hit hard and they last longer than usual. I'm able to recognize them now though and just know they will pass. I also dream more lately... interesting. The sleep problem still exists. I don't get a set amount of sleep every week or night. Some weeks I sleep well, other weeks not enough.

I got a ton of scrapbooking supplies from my mom for Christmas. I can't wait until I get to use them. Also becoming very useful from Christmas is my new Flip video recorder from my uncle. It's so simple to use and you just plug it into your computer's USB port and voila! Uploaded video! Simple fantastic. The other highlight of my holiday besides being able to see my family was seeing Mikey Jr. I'm not going to go into detail but I was so happy to see him!

Oh 2010... I hope this year is stable and starts an upwards trend in my life to get healthier, more organized and continually back on track. I hope to maintain good connections and friendships and sever bad ones that hold me back. I hope to keep my blog updated more often and make sure to keep in contact with all of my family members. Most of all, I hope to get back into attending church regularly.

So many resolutions and goals... plenty of time to procrastinate. Sigh. Hopefully that won't happen - can I make a resolution to keep my resolutions?

By the way... speaking of keeping in touch - if you have the correct information you can find me on:

Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, GoodReads & MySpace

Where Have You Been?!

2009-10-05T01:39:00.005-05:00

Oops, I try to make a habit of posting at least once at month but I seemed to have skipped September. There have been a whirlwind of emotions lately, maybe it's due to the changing seasons or passing of special dates...

August 8, 2009 - The date Michael and were supposed to be married. I was going to try and be so strong for myself and to celebrate the day with good memories of wedding planning with Michael but it didn't happen that way. Starting two days before I was just miserable. I hit rock bottom and was overwhelmed with so many feelings - anger, grief, loneliness... part of it was fueled by a falling out between some members of his family and I - on Facebook of all places. I don't really want to talk about it but some not so nice things were said. My feelings were taken and then used to hurt me and I guess I didn't really expect a different reaction from them but it still hurt a lot. So for the record, I don't love Kristopher more than Michael and I don't love Michael more than Kristopher. You can't compare; it's just not possible and I'm sorry that it's like that. Being with Kristopher doesn't make me miss Michael less. Kristopher does give me moments where I feel like I couldn't be happier but Michael gave me those too (ie. proposal in Las Vegas). Explaining matters of the heart are never easy and words don't always explain them correctly. Bottom line is that it's not a damn competition so anyone that views it as such is wrong...

August 28, 2009 - My anniversary date with Michael. This year was better than last but I still went into depressed mode for the day. I went out to eat and tried to stay out of the house but it just meant that I was mopey wherever I went. Definitely better than last year though.

(sometime after...) Marty moved in! Kristopher's cousin, Marty moved here from Los Angeles to join our happy home. Along with her she brought: Valentino (her dog), Baby (her cat) and her VW Bug! So it's getting a little crowded in here but the more things get put away and organized the better it gets. Oh and Sushi and V get along really well. Having all these females around is probably driving Kristopher insane but he'll get used to it... okay that's a lie he probably won't. (...but before)

September 1-15, 2009 - I went to New York for a visit. My sister had her engagement party on Labor Day weekend which was a bunch of fun. We didn't get to meet a ton of Peter's family since most of them weren't able to make it was still a great time. After the excitement of the party I mainly helped my mom out. I missed her so much! I spent time doing inventory on all her China and other knick knacks and boxing them. I also drove her to an eye doctor appointment since she has some blurriness going on in one of her eyes. (I think she's going to be fine so don't worry). Oh and we celebrated Grandma's 79th birthday! Also got some work done for PharmaNet while I was up there including playing chauffeur for my dad. It was a good time, but 15 days away from Kristopher, Sushi and Lucy was too much to bear, I couldn't wait to get back to Louisiana. I did visit Michael at the cemetery before I left - we had a great visit, I felt like he was comforting me that day in a warm sunny embrace - you know, the kind that makes your skin tingle and your eyes close.

Recently - I have been doing some freelance work for Alien Marketing. They specialize in website marketing and I wrote the content for one of their clients' website. Drill String Services, Inc. Although they didn't keep all of the copy I wrote, they kept most of it - www.drillstringservices.com. After that, Alien Marketing offered me a part-time Website Content Manager position. It's separate from my freelance work so now I have the best of both worlds from them. I work a minimum of 24 hours per week and the schedule is really flexible. So for now, while the work is slow I get to enjoy four-day weekends. It feels so good to be working again. I knew waiting for just the right opportunity was the best thing to do. All things happen for a reason.

Otherwise, life is okay. I'm getting by and things are getting better. I hit a rough patches here and there but who doesn't? The most important thing is that I keep going on even after tripping on the bumps in the road. Whenever I do get really down in the dumps I remember that the Lord is my strength. I remember the conversations Michael and I used to have about what we would want for each other (if we should ever have to live without each other). So, I get off my ass and continue living life for me and for him. After all, I promised him I would.

Moved and Wedding Blues

2009-08-02T20:20:00.003-05:00

So I've moved again. I didn't go far, just across town actually. Bayou Shadows where I was staying before decided to raise the rent and the apartment just wasn't worth that much. Now don't get me wrong... that doesn't mean I didn't like Bayou Shadows. I did like it, the staff was usually very friendly and the grounds were pretty well kept so I really couldn't complain. However, it seems that they raise the rent every time there a lease renewal and that's 1 - not right and 2 - too much.

Anyhow everything is now an utter and complete mess from the move. I'm just happy that my Internet and TV are working so that I have something to do while I'm NOT unpacking and attempting to relax. If you know me well, I don't relax well when there are things to do. Trust me, there are things to do around here. It needs organization bad and I guess that means it's good that I'm an organization Nazi.

However, once everything is in it's place, the crazy cleaning madness stops and I go back to letting things get messy here and there before the next cleaning frenzy. I'm getting good at clearing special little paths for me to walk through so that I don't break my neck. You just start knowing you MUST go to the left of this box and to the right of the next box to get to the kitchen.

On the plus side all this cleaning and re-organizing has kept me distracted from the reality that I will not be getting married next Saturday, August 8, 2009 to Michael Eckhoff as previously planned. I really don't know what else to say about that. I won't say that I'm not okay or that I am for that matter. It's a mix of good memories from when we were doing all the wedding planning and feelings of sadness that it isn't going to happen. Not just that -- it can't happen. It's not physically possible. Ever. He's passed. I don't know how to describe it actually. It's hard to balance between being happy and in a new relationship and still being sad about Michael. It's not like having an ex-boyfriend where things "didn't work out." It's different and it's the hardest thing ever to explain. How can you miss someone you love and yet still feel like you're the happiest you've ever been with another?

It's so confusing sometimes but I'm working through it as I have been working through it before. I think it will be okay. No... I KNOW it will be okay. Just need to continue having faith, taking one day at a time and when in doubt, pray and ask God! He's my guide and seems like he's doing quite a fine job. Michael must have known that I've been stressing lately because today he sent me a rainbow from heaven when I was walking out of PetSmart this evening. :D

Another Wedding and Another Month Closer

2009-07-14T01:40:00.004-05:00

This past weekend Kristopher and I drove to Amarillo, TX for Bryan and Beka's wedding. I have to admit, it was small but nice and I enjoyed most of the trip. We left Lafayette on a Thursday and then drove to Dallas. We stayed the night in Dallas at our friend, Okan's place. That was pretty cool since Okan and Kristopher don't get to see each other very often living 6 hours apart. I also got to socialize with his cat, Lacy. She's a sweet cat, not as trusting right off the bat as Lucy is but she let me pretend I was with one of my pets for two nights. On our way back she even cuddled with me a little bit which was awesome.

So the next day we continue our drive to Amarillo which took... like 8 hours. I got to see a lot more of Texas on this trip. It's pretty flat... or pretty and flat. Either way on some roads there was just not much to see unfortunately. There are only so many hours I can sit back and appreciate the landscape before it all blurs together and I fall asleep. Sorry... it's true. We passed through a small town of Snyder, TX and learned that Kristopher's mom went to high school there and that in the center of town there is a white buffalo statue that she and a few friends painted green back in day during Homecoming weekend. We didn't find the statue but figured we'd try to find it on the way back home so we could take a picture with it for her. Unfortunately we changed our route on the way back so no buffalo picture for us :( However, I did get to see some of the historic Route 66.

So we get to Amarillo and check into the hotel. The beds were way to hard for my liking but some of our other friends found them just right. The A/C units were cranked to the lowest temperature possible by Bryan and Beka but unfortunately I don't think the units were able to get the room as cold as I would've liked but that's minor. The first thing I saw was a nice welcome bag from the bride and groom filled with candy, popcorn, sunscreen and... bug spray. I figured they were trying to tell us something so I ripped open the bug spray and tossed it in my tote bag before heading to their Rehearsal BBQ (it was cute and travel-sized).

We spent the rest of the night catching up with Jon, Erika and Clint and having a good time. Erika and I left for a short time to help Beka with some last-minute ribbon-tying. The next day was filled with wedding bliss. Erika had to be at the wedding site at 5:30pm and the guys had to be there at 6:30pm (the wedding was at 8pm) since they were all in the wedding party. I pretty much stuck with Kristopher (and the other groomsmen) not wanting to be alone. This of course gave me the great opportunity to take some great pictures of the goofballs. :)

I always get psyched going to a wedding. I love them. I love weddings and seeing how happy the couples are. I love the partying that comes with it... drinking, dancing, pictures, getting dressed up. I love it all.

But there's a problem. I get all excited for the wedding and at some point I always invariably get nervous or upset right before everything takes place. During the ceremonies I hear everything being said but I don't process it, protecting myself from getting overemotional. At Bryan and Beka's wedding I took several pictures during the ceremony to keep me busy and then looked away during some parts and just listened.

Their first dance was Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback. Somehow I had gotten slightly separated from Kristopher and when I realized I was standing by myself I looked up for him. He was only a few feet away and I made sure to reattach myself to his hip. Then the father-bride dance song came on - I Loved Her First by Heartland. I got closer to Kristopher and Kristopher, very knowingly, just put his arms around and gave me a comforting kiss on the head and rubbed my arm.

That simple action said so many things: I'm here for you, it's okay, I understand, I love you, he still loves you, it's okay to miss him... I'm so glad to have found someone like him who doesn't get offended by my emotions. Sometimes I feel like it's not fair to him for me to be like that but he denies it and continues being supportive.

This wedding was particularly difficult because the months are withering away and the days are flying off the calendar and August 8, 2009 is just getting closer and closer. It's probably the cause of my latest inabilities to sleep. But...I made it through the last year I can make it through our wedding date right?

Not the Maid of Honor... and I Like It!

2009-06-19T22:50:00.003-05:00

So... my sister, Laura, is ENGAGED! Yaaaaay. Congrats to her and Peter. So yes, here we go with wedding planning except this time for Laura. I'm so happy for her and I hope all the wedding planning goes as smoothly as possible. Now for the details. The happy day is July 24, 2010 at a place that I cannot disclose yet on Long Island. So far she wants to put her bridesmaids in blue and not a pale blue or bright blue just blue. I'm good with that.

Oh yeah and I'm not the Maid of Honor!!! Betty gets to take that responsibility and thank God because she is well-prepared and while I'm alright with watching my sister do all the wedding stuff I'm not sure I would be okay handling more than giving her my opinion and such. I'm sure by next year though I'll be better. I'm still excited for her though and that's all that matters.

Nothing else has really happened of writing importance since my last post. Kristopher and I drove up to New York for a few days to celebrate my grandfather's birthday with the family. That was fun as always. I unfortunately attended a funeral as well while I was in town. Michael's uncle, actually great uncle who is also Michael's Godfather had passed away. Since I was in town I felt it was only right that I attend and pay my respects. Uncle Al was a great man with a great personality. Michael had always spoken fondly of him.

The dog actually took the trip with us and he did amazingly well except for when we got to my parents house. Two days driving in a car mostly sitting in my lap and he was just fine. The hotel inbetween? Fine. My parent's house? Diarrhea, vomiting, peeing on the carpet. The whole four or five days we're there. Then we leave, day one in the car, just fine. Hotel that night, again fine. Second day in the car, good again, mostly sleeping the entire way. Get back home to the apartment? Sick again a few days. Unbelievable.

Anyway, that's all for now. I have a few cross stitch projects that I'm working on now as gifts. I hope I can get them all done in time. Other than that I've been job searching and that's about it.

Mix it Up

2009-05-30T22:05:00.008-05:00

So last weekend, Memorial Day weekend, I was in New York for several reasons. The first was a bachelorette party, the second was to visit Michael for his first anniversary in heaven and the third, was for a wedding. What a hectic weekend. NY always seems to be hectic when I visit no matter how long or short the visit actually is.

First the bachelorette party. I flew in JFK on Saturday and was supposed to land around 2:00pm and then be in NYC by around 6pm. Well turns out that the Memorial Day airshow (which happens every year at Jones Beach) tied up airspace around JFK and I landed half an hour late. Not bad, except that the beach traffic was horrendous so by the time I got home it was near 4:00pm already! (It should only take 30 minutes to get home). My sister and I got all ready and then went to pick up Carolyn who was also coming to dinner with us but leaving before the rest of the festivities. So by the time we made it to NYC it was almost 7:30pm. Bachelorette party games ensued which involved pinning wacky uh... "fire hoses" to a half-naked fireman. (No, not a real one, just a poster.) Sarah opened up all her racy gifts and we all giggled.

We then went to eat dinner at Pranna which was a bit pricey and the food a bit well different but tasty none the less. After a little chatting in the lounge we headed to Ultra on 26th street where we danced the rest of the evening away and got pictures of Sarah with some sailors! (heeeelllo, fleet week!!!) By the time I got home at 2am, I was wiped. I sat in a very hot bath and finished the book I had started on the plane. Of course, that means I didn't finally fall asleep until 5am. Oops.

Sunday was cemetery and visiting day. Around 1pm Laura and I went with Frankie and Kelly to visit Michael's grave at the cemetery. Most of the time there we recounted memories and dreams and gripes and just laughed. Afterward we headed to see Mike's parents who live nearby. We chatted with Mike's mom and grandmother for a while and then his brother, Matt showed up. Then, two of Mike's good friends, Harris and Nathan pulled up as well, so we stayed a little longer. Then Mike's dad came home from work and by this time, it was a full out mini reunion. I got all the updates on Mike's family (please pray for his great uncle Al) and endured what I thought was going to be never ending flack for not living in New York. I'm sorry, I actually like the South and I'm not coming back to New York. I've been here almost a year so the jokes?... they're starting to get a little old. Get over it and let me be content please.

After that it started raining so Laura, Frankie, Kelly and I went out for dinner at Olive Garden. That was sooooo yummy. Louisiana has LOTS of AMAZING food but I can't find Italian like I used to have it in New York so that filled a spot for me. Again, I ended up staying up late until 4am because I was upset and feeling bothered. One night I'm happy go-lucky, the next I'm down in the pits and upset. At that point I just wanted to get back to Louisiana. However, I had one very important matter to attend to first.

Monday, the day Sarah and Brian tied the knot! (finally) Sarah and Brian's wedding was amazing. It was at Windows on the Lake in Lake Ronkonkoma and they could not have asked for better weather. I even got some sunburn to prove it! The entire ceremony was perfect (it had Sarah written all over it) and the reception and music too. Sarah's hair, dress and makeup complimented each other perfectly. She truly looked beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I was sitting at a table with her family so at first I was nervous that I was going to be bored or say something stupid, but they are HILARIOUS!!! Such easy people to get along with and by the end of the evening I realized that I really enjoyed myself and even went to attempt and catch the bouquet. (Her sister caught it by the way).

As soon as the wedding was over, I went home and within the hour left for my flight back home. See, the flight was much cheaper the day of the wedding so I grabbed it. The pilot must've floored it (or the equivalent of doing so) because we arrived about 40 minutes early. Very nice.

There's other news floating around that I can't share yet but there is something special that I would like to share with whoever reads this. I've been dating for quite some time again now and at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to make that public. I'm not sure what people will think of me dating again so soon after Michael has passed away. This past weekend however, I witnessed how happy Sarah and Brian were and earlier today, I learned of some more good news. I realized that I want to be able to share that too and openly speak about my special someone. I also realized that just because I am in the process of moving on doesn't mean that I'm forgetting. Besides, I know that Michael would want me to be happy right?

So here is a short rundown. His name is Kristopher and he lives here in Lafayette, LA. He's a wonderful man with a spunky 10 year old daughter coincidentally named Michelle. He knows about Michael and has been my biggest supporter so far. He has helped me realize my feelings and constantly gives me a reality check when I need one. It seems that we get along really well; Kristopher and I seems to have more similarities that work well together.

If you have happy comments send them my way, otherwise please keep any negativity to yourself. I'm over negatives and am only looking for positives in my life. That plus faith in God's will keeps me going. I'm not through it all yet but I'm certainly making my way the best I can. <3

This Past Year I've Learned...

2009-05-20T14:48:00.003-05:00

It doesn't get easier but you learn how to cope and how to make the most of it. I've learned to dwell on the happy memories and not the what ifs, could'ves, would'ves, and should'ves. I've learned that I am stronger than I could have possibly imagined. I've realized that without him, I can go on. My life has changed and I still miss him but I know I can let go. I don't expect everyone to understand the change I've made in my life in the past year but I am content and my heart is happy.

I still go through moments where I realize, "wow, last year at this time, you were looking forward to so many things." I thought that because I was happy that everything was just going to just continue going as planned; that I was on the right path but it turns out God had something entirely different planned for me and it's hard to accept that which you cannot see. That's where faith comes in handy.

There were lots of stresses in New York for me. I cannot disclose them here but my closest friends all know what I am talking about. Louisiana has provided me a place to unwind, to think, and to do what I want, feel how I want... for that I am grateful. I still miss New York, certain parts of it, namely my closest friends and the beach but I see living in New York as a different chapter in my life and this past year I've been transitioning to a new one. Not a new life, just a new chapter. (I wish they had Italian ice here though...)

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of Michael's place in heaven. It's the day life changed for many people including myself. Although I won't be there personally to say hello, I know he's there, watching me and everyone he loves. No pain, no hardship, no suffering. Tomorrow I'll be changing my profiles to something new. My mark of moving on; of letting go of everything that is still there holding me back. It won't be easy but I know it's necessary.

I just want to extend thanks to everyone who has helped me along the way this past year. Weather you know it or not, you've contributed to my healing and helped me along. It goes without saying My Family is number one. If I listed all their names... this post would never be finished. My friends from New York who I don't talk to that often but know they are always there and always thinking of me: Kelly, Frankie, Annemarie (I don't care that you've moved... you're still a "NY" friend) and Annemarie's family (Mommy and Breanna!), Tara, Betty, Carolyn and Lou, Melissa, Harris, Nathan, Izzzzzy, Ruben, Carol, Sarah... if I've missed you I'm sorry but those are the ones that sprung to mind from the top of my head.

To all my Lafayette/Houston friends... thank you too! Whether you knew about my circumstances upon moving or not, you've all made the transition easy and enjoyable. You may not know it but you've all helped quite a bit... Kristopher and his mother, Leah, Blake, Scott, Jon & Erika (and Sake!), Brian and Beka, the guys from CiCi's (the chatroom! ha ha), Kayla... I probably missed more people but that just means I'm blessed to know so many.

*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><* Gone but never forgotten and always in our hearts.
We were two to become one but instead are apart.
Although it hurts that you're not here with me,
I know that in heaven you're as happy as can be.
Your smile, your laughter and loving touch,
are the three things I miss so much.
Though it may seem cruel and harsh I know,
I think it's time I start to let you go.
While I wish we could still be together,
I know our memories will be with me forever.

Michael R. Eckhoff
6/2/80-5/21/08

*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*><*

They Say It's (It Was) My Birthday!

2009-05-13T00:58:00.011-05:00

Okay, time for the monthly rundown huh? So much is going on this month emotionally with me. There is such a huge mix of feelings and it's hard sometimes to sort through them all.

My 26th birthday was a small fun gathering. It was nothing like last year and I'm coming to realize that it's okay. I was with the people I considered my closest friends down here in Lafayette. I spent the day making my birthday cake and putting the finishing touches on the BMW cake that I made for my friend Blake who turned 25 on the 9th. Then Kristopher, his mom and I met up with Scott, Blake, Blake's friend and Bret at Shinto on Ambassador Caffrey Parkway in Lafayette. We sat in the hibachi section hoping for a fun show. It wasn't too bad but the food was soooo delicious. After we made sure that Kristopher's mom wouldn't faint from lack of O2 (they asked us to move either her or just the tank to the Sushi section because they were afraid it would explode), we sat back and enjoyed the show. Our hibachi chef was pretty entertaining though most of us concluded that we've seen better. Maybe he just wasn't that into it. Kristopher did make sure to embarrass the heck out of me by telling them it was my birthday. (EDIT: It was Blake who informed them of my birthday not Kristopher!) At the end of the meal, they came out banging on a drum and making all sorts of noise, sang Happy Birthday in Japanese (or what they said was Japanese) and presented me with a fruit boat and the opportunity to wear a fun hat. My birthday spoils include a Coach wallet in fushia (from me), a three-candle set with extra candles (from Kristopher's mom), a bonsai sago palm tree (from my sister), a red Coach swingpack (from Marty, Kristopher's cousin), and there are two more bags and a gift from my brother on the way... I can't wait!

After dinner we all went back to the house for cake. If you haven't seen pictures of them in my Facebook albums already, here they are. I kept the BMW cake a total surprise from Blake and I think most of my joy that day was seeing how much Blake loved his gift. He took zillions of pictures of it (which he needs to e-mail me...) before deciding, he just couldn't cut it that night and would eat it tomorrow after showing it off to some more friends. I was fine with that - I don't think I could've watched him cut into it without crying. Better that he cut it somewhere else where I couldn't witness the murder. His cake was chocolate with chocolate icing, mine yellow cake with vanilla icing. Sammy, Chris and Matt showed up in the middle of cake to also hang out for a little bit. It quickly turned into a super WoW conversation and I guess I started to get bored at that point and started thinking too much about my birthday last year.

After everything was over and we went home, I was in a horrible mood. I was just upset that I had somehow lost attention during the celebration and started thinking about the people that I missed who weren't at my birthday. Michael, Kelly, Frankie... I got home and I shed some tears. I just missed being with them for that day so much but at the same time, I knew it was my fault because I had moved. I wanted Michael to be with me so bad. For the last five years he has always celebrated pre-birthdays, birthdays at midnight and all day and post-birthdays with me. He'd always break out into song at midnight and most times came down with an Entemann's cake or cupcake with a candle in it. I missed that and it hit me hard. My birthday was like another holiday that had changed dramatically just because Michael isn't here. All I wanted for my birthday was to remember him and so I tore through my Michael box filled with his previous birthday cards to me and read them all. I cried hard and it felt good.

Following that day things have returned to "normal." I have been thinking about Michael every single day and night. I still haven't been sleeping through the night and whenever I'm awake, I tend to think of Michael -- the morning he died just replays in my head over and over and it makes me sad. I wish I could figure out what my brain is trying to tell me... it's so painful to think of that morning but at the same time, I guess I'm glad I was there every step of the way with him although it wasn't that long at all.

Mother's Day has just passed. Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there and expecting moms. It seems like so many people I know are now in the baby stage of their lives. I'm almost a little jealous. Between all the weddings and babies being born this year -- I'm surprised I've been able to keep it together as much as I have been. I'm just so ready to be a wife and a mother and was getting prepared for that with Michael and I hate to say it this way but it's like I have to start that process over. I can't rush into it with just anyone you know, have to be emotionally ready and all that but it seems like I've just taken a giant leap backwards in that part of my life while I watch everyone else go forward. It makes me jealous, I admit it. Last year was the first year that Michael's son, Mikey Jr. had decided that he wanted to make me a mother's day card. Michael didn't put him up to it at all. It was the night before Mother's Day and we had just finished having Mikey write in his Mother's Day card for his grandmother, Penny. He called Michael into his room and asked him, "What about Michelle?" The next morning I was surprised with a hand-drawn Mother's Day card that said, "Dear Michelle, Happy Mother's Day, I love you." Accompanied by drawings of every TMNT weapon, and a copy of Michael's John 3:16 tattoo. I was so touched that at five years old, he understood the relationship we had and would have when Michael and I got married.

Anyhow... no need to be even more sentimental, May is just a hard month for me even though it used to be the best month. The anniversary of Michael's passing is coming up soon; much sooner than I anticipated. I've decided not to be in NY the day of but I will be there the weekend following for Sarah & Brian's wedding (!!!) I can't believe it's almost been a year, it's unreal to me and I still wish I could just freeze time.

I've gone back to some arts and crafts type things like needlepoint, cross stitch and scrapbooking. I think it's been good therapy to do those things.

In general: sentimental, unemployed (still), yet content. Here are some pictures for you (and Sarah) of the kids.
1. Sushi and I playing video games.
2. Lucy getting comfy on the daybed.
3. Keisha the doberman laying on me at Kristopher's mom's house.

No Eggs for Mishy

2009-04-12T02:24:00.004-05:00

Another holiday has come around... Easter. Usually such a joyous holiday to remember Christ's sacrifice for us. It's one of my favorite holidays in the church because it's always so bright, so cheerful so joyous and filled with love. Easter services always fill my heart from the inside out. It's quite amazing.

Easter holiday would usually be filled services during the week and of course, egg coloring on the weekend. No matter how old we got, Michael and I loved to color eggs. His mom would make at least 3 dozen eggs and we would dye eggs all night with his brother. Big kids. When Mikey came back to New York, it made the entire egg dying event even more fun! In addition I would get a nice outfit for Mikey and he would come to church too and enjoy the events there.

I know, I moved so maybe the fact that I'm not at the Eckhoff house dying eggs is my fault. I still miss it though. It was just one of those activities that made Michael and I feel young and we weren't embarrassed about our desire to dye eggs for Easter or carve pumpkins for Halloween. It was just one of those things that we did together and enjoyed. Something we had in common I guess. His family also does a big Easter get together which was always fun.

So, no colored eggs for Mishy this year and yes, I'm depressed about it. I haven't been to church since my first weekend in Lafayette. I'm not sure if I just didn't like this church or if I felt just really lonely going by myself. Kristopher said he would go with me tomorrow though and I hope that it brings me the joy in my heart that I usually feel every year instead of reminding me about what was and is not this year.

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!!! I remind myself that because He died for us and rose again that is one of the reasons why I'll be able to meet Michael up in heaven one day again when it's time.

Here is a picture of Easter 2007 with the Eckhoff family. I remember that this year I was the biggest kid at the table (which made the adults happy) LOL.

A Quick Catch-Up of Sorts

2009-03-16T00:46:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone. I know I haven't updated in quite some time. Instead of going into paragraphs among paragraphs of what has been going on, here is a quick update instead.

1- I got laid off from my part-time, remote job in New York with Cambridge Who's Who.
So that means I'm job hunting again and while staying right where I am at is ideal, with today's economy and the lack of available jobs, I'm pretty much willing to move for my job. So I've been searching across the South from pretty much New Mexico to Georgia. Sorry my New Yorkers, I won't be returning. Experiencing a world without a snow and shorts in February has pretty much killed any desire of returning to the North.

2-Kristopher's grandmother passed away but his mom is home from the hospital.
So, if you didn't know, his grandmother has been on in-home hospice care for quite some time. On March 10, 2009 she finally passed to be with the Lord. I see this as a blessing as she was in quite some pain and her pain medication just had to be continually increased in order to keep her comfortable. However, I am glad that she was able to stay at home during this trying time as she wished.

3-Did I mention Kristopher's mom is home from the hospital? So, two days before grandmother passed away, his mom was in the hospital for borderline pneumonia and was just released a few days ago. She's doing better but she has to quit smoking. I did several loads of laundry, probably near 10 and cleaned up the house a bit for her while she was in the hospital to make it easier for her when she got home. Boy, was I tired.

4-Five dogs, 1 cat, 2 of us humans.
Not just house sitting, but animal sitting too. It was like a zoo for five days but I really do love all those puppies even though they do get on your nerves for a little bit.
--Keisha, doberman, 6 years old or so, very loving, thinks she is a lap dog, likes to lick your face.
--Sidney, dachshund, 7 years old, has anxiety, likes to curl up under the blanket your using and cuddle, compulsive licker, protective.
--Aimee, dachshund/terrier, daughter of Sidney, needs to be near a human, barks more than others, jumps onto everything, also has anxiety.
--Maggie, dachshund (fat), 12 years old, queen bee, moves slow, curls up somewhere to sleep and doesn't want to move, except, maybe, for food, only dog that will go outside by herself.
--Sushi, maltese, 8 months old, my baby!!!, eats other dogs' food, gets bored easily and barks at --Aimee to play, constantly humps one of Keisha's four legs at any given time.
--Lucy, domestic medium-hair kitten, 5 months old, stuck in the back room because if I let her out, one of the aforementioned dogs (not Sushi) will probably hurt her.

5-Nothing much else going on. As each day passes by I keep thinking how much closer it is to the anniversary of Michael's death and I don't know what to think/feel about that. On one hand, I look back and say - hey, you're alright, everything is okay. On the other hand, I still miss him like crazy and I really can't believe that we are just two months shy of the first anniversary of his death. It's so surreal -- following that, I was supposed to be getting married in August of THIS year. It's outrageous!

Obviously, I'm doing alright despite the above list and God is still watching out for me even though I haven't attended church since I've been down here... except the first weekend. We talk a lot though and it helps.

That's it for tonight, I'm going to bed. It's raining outside here and that usually helps put me to sleep. Good night all, I love you!

Everything Moves Slower in Delhi... and I Like It

2009-02-06T23:18:00.014-06:00

So for the past two days, I was four hours North of Lafayette in Delhi, LA. Now, Delhi is a very small town, I mean VERY small, like so small it doesn't have it's own Wal-Mart or Target. However, I did see Sonic and Burger King at least. Anyhow, Delhi is a small town where the accents are heavier and the air is cleaner and people are just sweet as ever.

When I go visit up in Delhi, I really try to just relax. It really makes me appreciate nature up there. Kristopher's grandmother lives in a house with tons of property. They used to have a barn and now there is a man-made lake behind her house. It's gorgeous. The picture to the right was taken just left of the house. This is what you would see out the back window I suppose. I can't get enough of looking out on the water, it's so serene and just is. Nothing bothers it and I just want to run out to that swing with a blanket (it was cold) and stare at the water all day. However, that's not what I did.

Kristopher's grandmother owns a storefront in Delhi where she and her husband used to run an antique shop. Since she is unable to actually run the store, what she does is rent it out to others. So the last lady who was there, skipped town after getting behind in rent and bills and such leaving the store in shamble and needing cleaning. That's where we came in. His grandmother was also so sweet to let me know that anything I found that I wanted, I could have providing we couldn't figure out if it belonged to anyone else. Here is what I found:

Valmont China Royal Wheat Sugar and Creamer set

I couldn't find any information about Valmont China but since most of the stuff I have seems to be from the 50s, I'm going to guess they are too. Anyone know about Valmont Royal Wheat. I do know that there are many pieces I can buy online if I want to extend my collection.

UCAGCO Heirloom cup and saucer set

UCAGCO stands for United China and Glass Company. They were based in New York and New Orleans. How appropriate for me. I knew this set of China was just calling my name for a reason. It was meant to be! So United China and Glass Company became UCAGCO during the 1930s. From what I read, before being known as UCAGCO, the company was known as Abe Meyer & Co and dates back to 1850. In the 30s, they changed their name to UCAGCO, after war the company expanded to Japan and accepted imports from there (some of mine say Japan on the back) and during the early 50s were responsible for many Japanese style patterns that were being sold. I think in the late 50s they were bought by Sammons Enterprises.

My online searches show that there are Heirloom-gold pieces available but hardly any Heirloom-silver (what I have) pieces which makes me wonder if they are rarer or just not well-liked.

UCAGCO Heirloom platter

UCAGCO Heirloom serving bowl

Anchor Hocking Arlington Style 18pc. glass punch bowl, one website I found this on listed it in their 40s, 50s, 60s section, another website said it was circa 1970-80 and the last website I found, only listed a punch cup and said the pattern came about in the 1950s. However, the new logo wasn't created until the 70s and that's the logo on the box I have. So, while the pattern and the item itself may have been produced since the 50s, I think mine was made in the 70s. Hmmmm, not as old as I thought but definitely beautiful! I think all in all, Rubbermaid now owns this company.

So that's it for my antiques. I also got some pins that I'm sending up to New York to my friend, Sarah. I hope she likes them. The jewelry I found originally was much nicer and even I was excited about it, but someone swiped the bag when we left for lunch. I'm really upset about that, I really think Sarah would've liked it.

Oh, and what else do we do for fun in Delhi? Make bonfires of course! There was a pile that needed to be burned for quite some time. We gathered, opened some Bud Light and watched it go. It was pretty awesome and, because it was actually cold in Delhi (like in the high 30s), it kept those watching nice and warm!

It burned long enough for us to watch the sunset and once we were all sure it wasn't going to get out of control, we left for dinner. The next morning, the pile was still going, although it didn't look as magnificent as it does in this picture.

I'll leave you now with a picture of the sunset over the lake in Delhi. This is all on the O'Neal property in Delhi, Louisiana. Isn't it beautiful? I really do like it up there, even if they don't have wireless Internet everywhere.

I Love Lucy

2009-01-17T19:33:00.004-06:00

So, if you haven't heard already through my Facebook profile, I've got a kitten. She's a new addition in the home and is very loving, not at all fitting my stereotype of a cat. I still prefer dogs, but this kitten was too sweet to give away.

Here is the story of Lucy.

Phase 1 - go to Alabama for a friend's wedding.
Phase 2 - meet Marianne, have a good time
Phase 3 - back in Louisiana, Okan shows pictures of kitten looking for a home, currently staying with Marianne
Phase 4 - think about it over and over again
Phase 5 - call up Marianne and have the kitten brought over for a meet and greet and playtime with Sushi
Phase 6 - keep kitten for a few days to see how she and Sushi get along and if we can handle another pet
Phase 7 - go to PetSmart to pick up some pet things... where the decision was made to keep the kitten

Final Phase - Her name is Lucy. Until I knew she was staying, she wasn't allowed to have a name.

Lucy, is thought to be a domestic long hair cat. She has calico coloring and it seems, greenish eyes but I'm not sure on that yet. She is currently only 10 to 12 weeks old and really sweet and gentle. She's not as independent or stand-offish as most cats that I've been around. She likes to follow me around and cuddle up next to me. She's obviously very happy because she's constantly purring in contentment.

Marianne found Lucy in the parking lot of her job. Someone decided to drop the kitten in the parking lot even after Marianne told them not to and to at least take her to a shelter. Well, the next day, the kitten was there and she couldn't resist but to take her home. She tried to find her a happy home so that the kitten didn't end up going to Lafayette Animal Aid. So, we gave her a test run with Sushi and voila!

I love Lucy!!!!

When You Don't Want the New Year to Arrive

2009-01-04T13:39:00.004-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year!!! Except, I'm not happy for the New Year. The New Year celebration is often thought of as a time to leave the last year behind and start new, start fresh! Make those resolutions, do things different, better, bigger, all starting on the moment the clock strikes midnight. In the past, that was easy, I was happy and wanted the happiness to continue with the New Year.

The clock reads 11:14pm in Louisiana, I flip furiously through the channels looking for the news coverage of the celebration in Times Square, New York City. After all, I haven't missed seeing that ball drop on television for the past 20 years. Not one channel was covering it; then I realized, I had missed it. I had waited too long, it was already New Year's Day in New York. It was suprisingly one of the most depressing moments of my life. I didn't think it would affect me so much but I was genuinely upset. There went another tradition out the window. I got mad at myself thinking that I should have paid more attention to the time, I should've known better. Story of my life, right?

Now, I hadn't had a good cry since Christmas morning. Before Christmas, I haven't cried in quite some time. I didn't realize it, but I was bottling up a whole bunch of tears. Well Christmas morning, I get an e-mail from Michael's mom and when I woke up, after I took my shower, after I tried to calm myself because I knew it was Christmas morning and I knew I wasn't at Michael's house like I usually am at 7am, I called the Eckhoffs. Talking to the family on the phone, I could hardly contain my tears. When I got off the phone I collapsed into tears. I cried and I cried long and hard thinking about Michael and the broken tradition we had of bouncing around to every single Christmas event so that everyone was happy and everyone got to see us. I was missing Penny's Christmas breakfast, it was always the best breakfast ever (and I don't usually get up for breakfast at all). I didn't go visit Michael and the Eckhoff family until Saturday. They had the tree up, tinsle and all. I missed tinsling the tree with Penny, we were always so precise, then, when we though it was perfect and done, Sonny would come in and take tinsle by the handfuls and fill in the spots he thought were "missing" tinsle. I brought Sushi over there to visit and he happily met Baby and left with a huge rawhide for Christmas. I played with Mikey and opened some Christmas presents. Mikey was depressed when I left and he gave me his plastic yellow and black sunglasses to keep and bring back the next time I come to visit. It was so sweet.

After that, I returned to my house, took a nap and went out with my friends, Emilios, Jason and Marisa for dinner. It was a great time at good old Olive Garden.

The rest of the holiday you ask? It was good, it was the same as it was every other year. We decorated the tree in the Lee household two days before Christmas. We went to the Candlelight service at Calvary and again I got sentimental. Dad cooked enormous amounts of food for the Yung side of the family and we went out to dinner for the Lee side of the family. Sushi got to meet his cousins, Jackson (super-hyper) and Otto (a pig disguised as a pug) and it was fun to watch them interact. My dog got nicknamed as the "pipsqueak" by dad. Every morning I shed a few tears for what I wasn't doing. Even though I had a great time and enjoyed being with my family, a few parts of me always missed Michael.

Sunday, the 28th, the day I left for Louisiana again, my parents were heading to Las Vegas. They had wanted me to go with them for New Year's. Laura, Peter and my brother Christopher were all making the trek over there to eat delicious food, see the house all furnished and have a great family time together. I had to refuse. After that emotionally charged 9 days in New York, I needed to be at "home." So I went back to Louisiana instead. I was upset because I wasn't in Las Vegas but at the same time I was glad I wasn't on a plane to Las Vegas. Why? The 28th marked one year since Michael proposed to me in Las Vegas. I'm not ready to go back there during the same time I was there last year.

So this last long stretch of holiday fun has also left me emotionally drained. It was a very much needed drain, like a bathtub full of water just sitting there waiting for someone to pull the stopper. It's what I hadn't realized I've been keeping inside of me. I'm not out of the woods yet boys and girls. I have a lot more healing to do, a lot more memories to miss and more thoughts of Michael in my mind every single day. Yet, like I've said before, thank God for best friends, for mercy and for taking care of me. My faith is still strong, I'm going to make it.

I'm in Houston now, visiting friends, it's been a pretty good time so far. It's time for lunch so I guess I'll end it here.

Happy New Year everyone, wishing you all whatever you want for 2009.

Half and Half

2008-11-26T20:09:00.007-06:00

As we venture towards the end of 2008, I can only sum it up by saying it was half good and half bad. Maybe it's just my perspective but it seems that after Michael died in May, everything went downhill after that.

The first half of 2008 kicked off with me and Michael being engaged and having a great time in Las Vegas with my family for the New Year. Michael was enjoying CW Post and got his first internship. We had half of a wedding planned, things were good. Everyone was happy, things made sense and were clear; the future didn't look so foggy.

In May, Michael left this Earth suddenly and it tore out the heart of many. Following that we learned that the wife of one of my dad's colleagues passed away to cancer. After that, a long-time member of my church in New York passed away. He was such a staple in the church and the everyone had personal emotions tied into his death. My uncle was diagnosed with a tumor near his throat and once that was removed, is now undergoing more treatment. Then this morning, I got news that Michael's grandfather (Sonny's father) passed away. Just in time for Thanskgiving. After the Eckhoff's lost Michael right before Memorial Day and now this. There just aren't any words.

Again, I feel upset because I'm not there for them. I knew Mike's grandfather, maybe not too well, but definitely enough to want to be there for the family. Maybe I just feel guilty because things seems to be going better for me than them. I don't know how to feel, I just feel empty and wondering why God plans things to happen like this. So close together. Within 6 months, 4 people that I've known have passed away.

However, I have to look at the flipside. I have to trust that they are in a better place and even though we all hurt on Earth here, they are doing much better in heaven. Although I'd like to deny that it was Michael's time to leave, I suppose I would not have wanted him to suffer with knowing he had a brain tumor that could kill him. I know that Mrs. Grazal was going through a long battle with cancer - that's never fun. We all know that getting old and having health problems is never a good thing either.

I'm emotional for other reasons, just so much has happened in a short period of time. What do I think? What do I feel? How are the holidays really going to be? I'm famous for thinking too much and I'm doing it again. The myriad of events that have happened in the past year astound me from the happy moments - engagements, weddings, I quit smoking (yes, for those that didn't know and those that weren't sure, I admit, I was a smoker for a few years) and the like to the scary moments - tumors, car accidents, surgeries, to the sad moments - deaths and just ordinary life - Laura has a new car and a house, Chris has a puppy, cousin Dave is moving to Wisconsin, I moved to Louisiana and have a puppy, etc.

So what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? I thank God for best friends, for family, for His mercy and for helping me to keep on going. Please keep Michael's family in your thoughts. If you want information to send cards or flowers, please email me.

Gobble. Gobble.

Things are Going to Change

2008-11-20T23:09:00.011-06:00

Okay, so it's technically still the 20th of November here in the Central Time Zone and I've decided, I'm not going to put up a dreary 6-month post. I'm just not going to do it. Six months seems unreal and at the same time, I look back and I see that I've made it six months and say to myself - why dwell? You're going to make it, you're going to be okay. The first year is always the hardest and while documenting my month-by-month journey with grief has helped me to sort out lots of feelings and come to tons of revelations, I think now I can start being a little more positive.

This is the part that's the hardest. All the memories hurdling toward me at full speed and quickly. Thanksgiving turkeys, Christmas parties and presents, the day Michael proposed to me in Las Vegas, spending New Years in Las Vegas with my family. If I can make it through the next two months, I know I'll be okay. I guess I knew it all along though. In your heart it hurts so much, like you have a hole in your chest with a vacuum sucking everything into it. When you cry, it feels like it's never going to get better, that things couldn't possibly improve and you just wish it had never happened. However, in the end, you dry your tears, take a few shaky but deep breaths, think of a good memory to smile about and keep on moving. Michael and I surprisingly had several end-of-life talks including what we would want the other to do in a situation like this. His answer? Go be happy. He was all about being happy, so that's what I'm doing.

Usually when it comes to this week, I get utterly depressed. Sometimes I don't even realize what day it is and I wonder, why am I feeling so crappy? Then I look at the calendar and say, oh... that's why. For the first time in six months, I had a great night out with a bunch of friends and I truly felt happy and at ease, not worrying about how I was going to feel tomorrow. Let's face it, if I wake up tomorrow in tears, nothing I do now is going to change that.

So a bunch of us went out for Frank's birthday. We started at Sakura's for dinner (I have to say, it does not compare to Ozumos or Minami in New York but still deliciouos) and I was surrounded by great people, some I knew, some who were new to me and plenty of laughs. Afteward we went to Richochet's to play some pool. Many of you know how much I love to play pool, I don't play often but I have such a great time when I do, especially with these guys. I won a game, I lost a few, laughed a lot. It was a great time. Then I came home to a great welcome from my puppy who missed me dearly.

I couldn't ask for things to be going any better given the situation.

Oh, by the way, my cousin Travis is married!!! I didn't have a major meltdown at the wedding at all. Instead I danced my ass off had plenty of drinks and just had fun with my family. Luckily not many people reminded me of how "that could've been you," or gave me pitiful looks all night. The last thing you need is for someone to remind you of what you're doing such a great job of forgetting. Anyway, it was a blast - pictures of the event are on my Facebook page in an album somewhere. Oh, and while I was in New York, I had time to visit the Eckhoff's and visit Michael. His headstone is up and it looks beautiful. Sonny also spruced it up a bit, it looks really nice. I'd post pictures (yes I took pictures) but I'm afraid some of you would just think I'm weird... Oh and I got to see Mikey, Jr. who was surprised to see me and jumped into my arms to give me a huge hug and kiss. Here's a picture of him - this six-year-old is getting so tall! Yeah, he was playing Wii right before I took this picture. Sorry it's blurry, the first picture I took he stood there and stuck his tongue out at me, I thought this one was better.

Okay, that's all for now, I promise...

I lied - here's a picture of Sushi for you. Driving Kristopher's car around. Ha Ha.

A Book Review and More...

2008-11-20T01:16:00.011-06:00

So, I have an account with GoodReads.com where you can share what books you are reading, are on your to-read list or have been read with your friends. It also has a rating system and review as well. After you update a book, you have an option to copy it straight into your blog. Also, see my new widget from GoodReads.com on the sidebar which has the books I am currently reading.

Anyhow just thought I'd share.

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with a loss. I believe that it has helped me immensely to sort through the myriad of emotions that I was dealing with following my fiance's death. Although not all points in the book spoke to me directly, it definitely helped me to understand grief and therefore, better understand myself and what I was going through.

Blogging Addition: I'm not one for books that even remotely look like they could be a self-help book but this one was amazing and not written to sound like the usual self-help book. I think the appeal for me was being able to learn something from it. I didn't just learn about grief but I learned what was "normal" and I learned a few things about myself and how I deal with grief. That has really jetted me forward in the grieving process. When I finished this book in August, not only had I cried some needed tears but I had understood what these feelings inside me were all about.

That doesn't make dealing with loss any easier and yes, it did cause me to think of other people in my life that I had lost besides Michael such as my Uncle Al, Uncle Dom and Grandmother - and see how grief affected me then. I see how they all affected me differently and for differnet reasons although never the same... yet, the same.

Okay, so maybe this post was a little cryptic but it felt good to me.

Month Five & I'm Still Alive

2008-10-21T01:32:00.004-05:00

Time is tricky... sometimes it feels as if it has gone by so fast and sometimes it feels like it will never move on; like I'm trapped. Somehow, these two feelings seem to intertwine for me. Time can feel different within the same day at some points. Today, I can't believe that it's been five months since Michael passed away. It doesn't seem like it's possible. It must have only been last month. In the first three months or so after my world changed, I thought, "Wow, you're doing great, you've improved emotionally, set things in focus and come to terms with reality in such a short period of time." Now, things are different. It's been two months, I'm moving on but it seems so slow, like I haven't gone far even though, in actuality, I've gone quite a way. It's not that I want time to go by quicker or that it's easier day by day, it's just that I, being the perfectionist that I am, feel that I'm not hitting my peak, my best at healing.

I know, that's weird, and by most standards, I'm probably doing better than anyone, but in the end, the pain is still there. I've realized that moving to Louisiana was definitely the right decision. I've had more time to reflect and to let my emotions go. I find there are days that I cry because I miss Michael so much when a good memory passes my mind or when special-occasion days near. Yet, I realize it's a cleansing process that I need. Instead of crying out of frustration, confusion and outside emotional battles, I find that when I cry, it's pure grieving. It's because I miss him and the way things were and how they were going to be, but it's me accepting that just one more thing is not going to happen and that it is different now. I cry until I get rid of the feeling and when I'm done, I feel so much better that I know it's okay.

Things are different, many things have become real again as I am starting to filter out what is real and true and from things that have just been reactions. I can't say I'm happy about it, it's tough losing someone you love with all your heart, it's even harder when it brings out other truths that you've just been ignoring in a time of grief... and hoped would've ended differently.

On happier notes, Mikey's 6th birthday just passed. I heard from his mom and from Michael's mom and brother that he had a great birthday with plenty of cool gifts and a trip to the zoo. I called him on his birthday and we talked a little about school and how he's doing. It was so great to hear his voice, of course, after I hung up the phone, it brought tears to my eyes and I cried some more. Many of you know why it hits me at my core...

I have registered my puppy with the AKC today, his certificate should come in soon. Yes, his full name was registered: Sushi the Samurai Monster. He is definitely getting bigger, it's hard to tell from pictures but I looked at one the other day and was surprised. However, his hair is growing quick, so, for all I know, he's all fluff and no meat. He will still go to the bathroom inside if I don't catch the signs and ask him if he wants to "go out" but he does know that he's in trouble since he promptly comes up to me all loving until I find out what he did. Then he runs and hides hoping that I don't get mad at him. On the other hand, he is getting better at sitting for his food. He will sit for it when the bowl is in my hand and wait - soon he will sit and wait until I tell him it's okay to eat; just like Dusty (or that's my plan anyway). He licks my tears when I cry though and that always makes me smile. He always looks for me when I leave the room, if he can see me it's okay but once I leave his line of sight, he will whine wondering when I'll be back. Yes, he's my baby and I love him.

I heard from the Eckhoffs that Michael's headstone will be up at the cemetery on Thursday. They went this past Saturday to review it and I heard that even though it was an emotional day, that it was perfect. I'll be home on Thursday, November 6th and you can bet that the first place I'll be on Friday morning is with Michael. I am actually looking forward to it in an odd way. How can things be so real and yet feel so unreal at the same time?

Oh and, I miss my best friend ever, it's hard being away from her but I know that we'll be okay no matter what we go through. Sometimes, I swear, I can just feel her thinking of me. I'll sit around at home and think, Kelly's at school right now, she's probably rolling her eyes at the students who thought they could get through security with guns and/or knives today. I can't wait to hear her stories. Then on Fridays I'll think about how Kelly is at No Limits bartending and I can see her smile and giggle and it makes me smile. See what you do for me Kel? I don't even have to be on the phone with you!!!!

Good Night.

Birth Verse and a Puppy

2008-09-30T22:35:00.003-05:00

So I was overjoyed when I received the Calvary Church Newsletter in the mail today. Call it a coincidence but today I also received a "thank you for worshiping with us" letter from Faith Lutheran Church here in Lafayette today... I think I like them.

Anyway, on the last page of the church newsletter there was this website called Birth Verse where you could go see the verse associated with your birthday. I felt mine was pretty appropriate for the life I live, so I wanted to share it with you all:

Ephesians 5:2 NIV
and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and
gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

You can check out your verse at www.birthverse.com.

On another note, I got a puppy!! It's a male, maltese, he was born on July 24, 2008 so he's about two months old. I haven't named him yet but I know we are going to be good buddies because he's quite attached to me and I to him. He's a little mischievous and has bundles of energy. He loves to run across the linoleum in the kitchen and and then into the office where I have a chair mat down on the carpet. Every time he runs from the kitchen toward the office, he sliiiides on the chair mat, it's very cute and very entertaining.

So why a maltese, because they are supposedly hypo-allergenic. Although, from what I read, there is no true hypo-allergenic dog - it just means they have way less dander than other dogs. So I should be able to tolerate his dead skin flakes better than most dogs and he doesn't shed as much as well. He also keeps my lap fairly warm and is great company so far. I have to look at his traits a little bit more so I can figure out an appropriate name. If you have Facebook, you can check out pictures of him there, but I'll post some here for you too. Feel free to comment with your suggested name!

I'm doing well, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. I am having a little bit of trouble sleeping at night lately and I had a headache for the past three days, but I think it has been determined that it was just dehydration, drinking lots of water seems to help so it's all good!

Surfing the web with his momma... awwwww

The First Week/Month 4

2008-09-21T14:24:00.002-05:00

So today wraps up my first week in Lafayette, LA. I've been really busy unpacking and I have a few boxes left hanging around. Some of them, I think, are just not going to get unpacked because I don't have a place to put things. However, I knew that when I packed them but they are things I wanted to make sure I had with me. Kristopher helped set up my desk area so that I can work which is really nice. I promise to take pictures soon so you can all see what it looks like.

The kitchen is all put away, it was the first spot that felt like home since it was "done" so quickly. Everything else is slowly coming together and it feels good. Lucky for me, I get to work from home which is nice. My job made me an offer so that I could continue working remotely. My plan therefore is to just get another part-time job, perhaps an office job to supplement my income. However, I have a little bit of time before I need to get that done.

Today also marks month number four. I'm not sure if it's a good thing to count the months but I can't shake it. It's as if my body knows when the days are coming anyway because yesterday I just got incredibly sad and frustrated and realized it was because it was close to the 21st again. Can't get away from it even if I don't think about it, I suppose it's in my subconscious.

I did go to church today, I was soooo nervous. I wasn't sure if I would like it, if they would be open or welcoming or if it would just be different. Well, let me tell you, Faith Lutheran Church was a very welcoming place. It's traditional in service but contemporary in other respects. There aren't any pews, but instead, rows of red, extremely comfortable chairs. The church has a small congregation about 60-something people but they were friendly. Although very simple, it still felt like a church. I enjoyed service and the sermon although they sing some parts either differently or just faster than Calvary. I have to look it up in the LW Blue Hymnal, good thing I can sight read music. Although they have Blue Hymnals, everything was printed out in the service bulletin.

I still think about Michael every single day. Sleeping at night has proved to be a challenge while I adjust. Not all nights are difficult, just some. I've put up a bunch of my picture frames. I have pictures of Michael and I and Mikey and I on my desk here and pictures of me with Kelly and Josh and of Annemarie on the bookcase. I still have plenty more pictures to go, they are just in the box, I did find Chris and Tara's prom picture so I put that on the shelf too.

The other day it rained here, not a light rain, not a dark thundering rain, just a heavy rain in the middle of the day. I surprisingly enjoyed watching it from the apartment. The raindrops were huge and all you heard was one huge crack of thunder and then it was like the clouds parted and God slowly tipped a bucket of water down. It came down hard, it came down straight, in a sheet but it was the most beautiful thing ever. It felt cleansing and calming, like all my frustration of unpacking was being washed away. Rain doesn't often make me smile but it did that day.

An Awesome Time with Awesome People

2008-09-07T12:07:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone!! I want to say thank you to everyone who came out on Friday night for my Goodbye Party. I had lots of fun (and drinks) and it was a blast. Our bartender for the night, my best friend ever, Kelly, did a wonderful job. Especially since the bar was packed and she was the only one working that night. Even though I don't see you all on a regular basis it's great to know that you all care enough to come say goodbye and good luck. I really do appreciate it.

So I don't know what I had to drink that night as I lost count... but I'm sure it was somewhere around 3 mixed drinks and 4+ shots. Though, according to Moise, based on the types of drinks/shots I had, he said it was just 1 drink and 1 shot but don't listen to him, he can't even play pool. Just kidding! There was that peppermint shot that was really good, a shot of Amaretto, a shot of Tequila, a shot of Malibu and there was one that another person bought me... hmmm, oh and I'm sure there was a shot of Blackhaus... damn. But hey! I actually held me liquor, Frankie would've been so proud of me.

The pool crowd was playing bar pool and I haven't played since July in Lafayette, so that was really fun. Moise decided he wanted to challenge me and try to win a game before I left the state, but once again, he lost. I think that puts us at Mishy 12, Moise 0. To be fair, I had lost on scratching the cue ball but he never calls it a win. Oh well, more for me. Oh and Kelly had orchestrated this thing for people to bring pictures... she put them into this little photo New York skyline photo album. In it she also included a letter that made me cry the next morning but it was all for good memories and because I am going to miss her so so so much. Of course, she beat me to it as I was going to write one to her... lol. Watch out Kelly, that just means mine will make you cry even more LOL.

At church today they had coffee hour dedicated to me to wish me well and say goodbye. It was really sweet and really touching as I have been attending that church since I was 5 years old. I almost cried at the end but put on my sunglasses before walking out the door.

I have three more days of work left at Cambridge Who's Who and I've been trying to pack though I know I will probably leave most of it until the last minute and then pack in a hurry. Okay, well that might not be true but we shall see what happens. I know... so bad. There is just so much stuff and well, I stop and look/read through it all instead of just packing it so that doesn't seem to help me much.

Anyway, time to get some more of it done so I will talk to you later. Oh yes, for those of you who were thinking of me and remembered Aug. 28... thank you. It was such a difficult day for me and there was so much going on. I wish I could say that it went better but really, I was a bit depressed and quite emotional. Anyhow, thank you for thinking of me that day, it's appreciated.

Come Wish Me Well!

2008-09-02T09:10:00.003-05:00

So Kelly has confirmed that the festivities will take place at No Limits on Friday night. The details are below, I hope you can make it and have some drinks with me!

No Limits Sports Bar (Kelly's our bartender!)
247 S Broadway, Hicksville, NY
Friday, September 5, 2008
9pm - whenever we leave

Hope to see you there! I will have my camera on premises so be prepared to take some pictures.

On another note, I just got back from my cruise and can we say RELAXING? I don't think I've been able to sleep that well in MONTHS! I definitely needed that and I feel much better since I've gotten away.

Walks on the beach, hermit crabs, sun tans, strawberry daiquiris, sun, sand, palm trees, towel animals, sunsets, gentle waves, blue skies, sweet dreams, big smiles, laughter, delicious food, gentle rocking, peace and quiet.

Three Months

2008-08-22T11:56:00.002-05:00

So yesterday marked the third month since Michael passed away. I went to visit him but just felt somewhat numb staring at the plaque his Uncle Ray had made for his plot until the headstone was ready. The cemetery used to bring a certain type of comfort, it used to help me to cry when I needed to, and, at times, it still does but yesterday I didn't have that feeling. Maybe I'm going through another stage of grief or maybe it was just the general bad mood I was in.

I was mad. Problem is, I didn't have something or someone to be mad at, I just was. So, I tried to just deal with it as best as I could. Talk about it? There wasn't anything to talk about it and I mean that so don't tell that I need to talk... trust me, I talk plenty. I just miss him.

Plain and simple, I miss Michael and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. Some days suck more than others because well, sometimes you just have that need to hear, see or talk to a certain person and when they are not there...

I think I'm going to stop telling people that I miss Michael. For some reason it's a sign that you're "not okay" if you're still missing someone when they have passed away. It's okay when they are alive, but not if they are dead. I don't understand it, aren't I allowed to miss Michael without being viewed as depressed or in a bad emotional state?

I know everyone cares about me, everyone wants to make sure I'm okay and everyone wants to make sure that things will be alright. I hate to break it to some of you, but only time is going to help. It doesn't matter where I am, who I'm with, or what I'm doing but only time and faith is going to get me through this. My closest friends know that I'm smart enough to ask for help if I really need it and thankfully, I think I've always been sensible enough to realize when I'm in a bad spot - damn that gut feeling I tell you!

I'm quickly finding out that grief though is definitely a different process for everyone. No one can truly know how you feel because there are always other factors that shape it, your personality, outsiders, personal issues, etc. The stages may always be the same, the process perhaps the same, the actual grief you feel though will always feel personal for anyone you know who passes away. I'm learning not to just get over it, but to cherish the emotion it brings me. My reactions, feelings and thoughts just speak for what Michael and I had together and what he meant to me.

Otherwise... grief would be easy wouldn't it?

A beach drive is in order for tonight - the wind always feel good in my hair and the water is comforting. I can take more pictures too, maybe there will be a pretty sunset.

Officially Moving out of New York

2008-08-19T11:48:00.003-05:00

So here we go, I am officially moving out of New York. The dates are set, the plans have been made and I'm getting ready to go. I'm basically packing lots of boxes (moving companies cost too much) and shipping them off to my friend in Lafayette, Louisiana. I know many of you are shocked (my family) a few of you were hoping I'd change my mind (my friends) and some of you are happy that I'm doing something to make me happy. I hope you all eventually end up in that last category. While I've normally been the one to not make such quick decisions (I assure you lots of thinking went into this), I feel that I need to do what makes me happy and moving, at the moment makes me happy. If it doesn't work out and I come back to New York or end up in another state, so be it. I'm not going to stress about it, life is short, be happy. I'll miss New York but it's time to move on so that I can get on with life the way Michael would want me to.

I'm not really going to give you guys much detail except that I have given my job a 1-month notice as of last Friday the 15th. My last physical day of work is Sept. 10, 2008. My friend, Kristopher, is flying in on Fri., Sept. 12 and we are driving my car down to Lafayette starting when the sun rises on Sat., Sept. 13 and hopefully ending in Lafayette by Sun.

No, I currently do not have a job lined up but I am looking to do plenty of freelance work and I have started my job search in Louisiana. I like how things are nice and laid back down there; people are so friendly! (Kelly says I'm not truly mean enough to be a New Yorker anyway.) Also another plus, is the lack of snow, though I'm trading that in for plenty of rain but I think I prefer rain to snow anyhow.

There were a few factors to moving, the people - of course I'm going where I have more friends and know people, not totally going out on my own here. Also mom and dad will be just 3.5 hours or so away in Las Vegas so weekend vacations to Vegas are probably more likely than from New York. Laura is moving to CT - she's in the middle of finding a place now and Christopher, I believe, you would have to confirm with him, is probably going to stay in PA after graduation. So rather than stay in the big Massapequa house where I was going to live with Michael, I am moving. There are some other, more personal reasons, motivations and stresses for leaving as well but I'll keep those to myself.

I'll be back for some holidays - Christmas, Chinese New Year and Grandpa's Birthday so far...

Kelly and I are planning a night during my last week here as a goodbye get together so I'll keep you all informed of that as well. As always, feel free to come visit, just think of it as another vacation spot (Kelly is already contemplating Mardi Gras LOL). Oh and did I mention all the yummy food?

Once I am settled in, I will update my Facebook profile with my new address (for those of you who are in the "Contact Info OK" friend group) and also send an email.

Just Another Day

2008-08-10T20:48:00.003-05:00

Warning - this post is long.

So today was quite filled. I went to church this morning and I couldn't believe how empty it was. It was sort of sad to see the place so sparse when, at one time, when I was younger, it was always filled. However, being there still felt comforting. We didn't have an organist and I have to say we all did quite well singing without one. The pastor that filled in today had a great sermon. It centered around the Bible story of Peter walking on water. For some reason, his sermon and the lesson today just hit me. Certain things would bring tears to my eyes as I related my experience to the story. After being away for two weeks and skipping the week in between, I felt like this just hit home. I had so much strength in the beginning, and I still do, however, I'm starting to get worn out with some other things. Going to church this morning and listening to the story and sermon made me feel so much better. I felt like a little child in Sunday School learning again. It was a reminder for me to trust in God, not to doubt Him (not that I was but I was probably going down that road and didn't even know it yet). I guess it made me think to myself, "Keep having faith, trust Him to take care of you, trust Him to guide you and you'll be able to keep on standing where you think you wouldn't be able to otherwise."

After communion I sat down in the pew to pray as I always do and tears started to come to my eyes. I prayed to God saying, "I don't even know what to say, I don't even know what to ask for anymore except more strength and more peace." Then I continued with the standard parts of my prayer where I asked him to watch over Penny, Sonny, Matthew, Mikey and Fran; continue to bless my family; thank him for Kelly, Frankie and Kristopher; and ask for His guidance and healing. I felt so much better after that. When I left church this morning, yeah I wept a little more but I think it was a good sort of weeping although sad.

After church today I went to visit Mikey and picked up McDonalds for him for lunch. I walked in and he immediately said, "Michelle! I missed you!" He continued telling me how he didn't see me the days before and how he didn't think I was going to come and visit. After talking and catching up with Penny and Sonny for a little bit, I went to watch Mikey play Spider-Man on the Wii. It was a good, sentimental time; I love seeing that boy happy. I was also stressed as I'm trying to figure out how to handle the situation with Michael's car so that it benefits everyone and my credit doesn't get all screwed up. That has been set in motion but I don't know if it's going to go well so we shall see. Probably won't go well at all but I don't know what else to do at this point. When I said goodbye to him he was a little upset, he keeps asking me why I don't stay the nights, I tell him that I have to stay at home because I'm sad but he keeps telling me that I can sleep on the couch instead. I wish I could.

I guess I cleared up a few things on my plate today but even so, I still don't feel much better in the stress department. Too much thinking I guess but that's what I do - my brain never stops working. LOL. Other than that, I'm doing well enough and as best as can be expected. I've been missing the little things about Michael lately like his smile, his laugh, his hugs, seeing him dance and things of that nature. It seems that my memories are *finally* starting to open up so that I can enjoy them so they bring sentimental tears. Sure it hurts, but I wouldn't expect anything less whether I like it or not.

Today I also went to the christening party for Little Louie (my friends Carolyn and Louis' baby boy). He is sooooo adorable and I get such joy out of getting gifts for babies and toddlers. I'm sure by the time this is posted Carolyn might have opened the gifts already so I'm going to say that the little Puma sneakers I got are SOOOOO adorable, I love them myself.

After the party (I left right before cake), I took a drive past the beach down Ocean Parkway, down to Point Lookout and back around to Jones Beach, parked in one of the fields and walked halfway to the water. It was calming and there wasn't any noise in my head. I didn't take this time to think or to clear out the controversies in my head, I just sat there and enjoyed the breeze, the quietness, the sound of the ocean, the smell of the saltwater and the colors - streaks of blue, pink and purple painted the sky - and relaxed. Of course, that ended once I got back into the car and drove back home but at least I had some time of peace.

That was my day and while there are still things tumbling around inside this head of mine (think of one of those like rain sticks where you turn it upside down and all the stuff inside trickles from one end to the other - that's how my brain feels like it's functioning. Except, someone keeps flipping the stick back and forth before the thoughts can get to the other side. I guess today was one of the good days... trying to be optimistic here. Oh yeah, Kelly and Frankie - the best friends a girl like me could ever have. Thank you guys... for everything, I think you do more for me than you could ever know. I love you.

August 8, 2008

2008-08-08T13:05:00.002-05:00

Just a few months ago I was planning a wedding, mine and Michael's wedding, to take place one year from this day. It's amazing how things change so fast, so quickly, how life can take you for twists and turns. Good thing I'm holding on tight on this rollercoaster ride. No matter how well in advanced Michael and I had planned - we couldn't have avoided this. You know, life can be short, in retrospect I wish Michael and I had done the quick wedding in Las Vegas :) but at the same time, it's not what we had wanted. We wanted a big family gathering with everyone we knew. We wanted to do it big and we wanted it to be a huge celebration of us and the life we would have together. So while I wish we had gotten the chance to be married, I don't regret setting the date for August 8, 2009 instead.

I love him, he loved me, that's all that really matters - celebrate what we had not what we didn't get to experience. Life is short, do what makes you happy and live. After all, I learned that from Michael. He wasn't a big kid (well he was), he just enjoyed life - every part of it. Always happy, always laughing, always smiling. He did what made him happy and not what pleased everyone else.

That's what I'm going to do. Thanks dear.

Two Months

2008-07-21T21:32:00.001-05:00

Today marks the second complete month that Michael has been gone. I am an incredible mix of emotions right now. I've been moving quite happily down the recovery ramp and there are just some days when it seems like someone left you a box to trip over at the end of the ramp and you go flying but you're not quite sure where you are going to land. In those cases, staying in flight seems like the best scenario.

My ring has been moved over to my other hand. I don't like the odd looks I get from people when I hang out with my guy friends and they wonder which one of them I'm engaged to. Also applies to the strangers in the bar that ask when I'm getting married and all that jazz. Much easier to move it because quite frankly, a stranger does not need to know anyway. No use sharing that story with them.

I went to visit Michael today and was instantly filled with tears. I'm not sure why, like I said, I was moving kind of smoothly down the recovery ramp with just a few bumps in the road but for some reason today, it's like I went into a wall and got smushed. However, fear not friends and family, I'm okay it was just "one of those days." I've been somewhat confused lately on who's feelings I need to consider in certain decisions that I'm being faced with. I automatically want to say, my feelings count the most - weighted 50%. Yet, if you know me, you know that I do not work that way even though I know it may be in my best interest.

I don't want to be in New York any longer. I want to move and I want to move soon and I know there are a few people who may not be happy with my decision or my plans. It's hard to think about and, like I said, I don't want to upset anyone. But, it will make me 20 times happier than I am now and no, that is not an exaggeration.

For those of you that I have just worried and are now fearing that I am in a depressive downward spiral and never leaving the house again... do not worry. I have dinner plans on Tuesday and Thursday. I am being sociable all weekend and I even have plans NEXT Thursday already. I've also planned plenty of vacations so I have time to get away and think. time to relax, time to be me and time to sleep. I don't sleep well here but I've slept amazing while I've been away so that's a plus.